Toadette and the Beast
by Erin T. Aardvark
Summary: A Goomba develops a serious crush on Toadette. TRIGGER WARNING: stalking, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and possible disturbing moments. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
1. Gruber Goomba

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I got this idea while playing "Super Mario Party" with my sister (though we didn't go as far as this story goes). All the characters belong to Nintendo. I came up with the name of the lead Goomba in this story, as well as the names of any other Koopa Troopas, Goombas, or others in Bowser's army. Any other incidental characters belong to me. Also, I suggest you have a barf bag handy while reading this story, because of some of the nicknames this overly amorous Goomba refers to Toadette as are downright nauseating._

* * *

_TRIGGER WARNING: stalking, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and perhaps some disturbing imagery involving a demented, lovesick Goomba (your mileage may vary on that last one)._

* * *

The Badlands Bar was a biker bar in Desert Land that was off the beaten track. It was were most of Bowser's minions hung out, usually to unwind after getting beaten up by Mario, or chewed out by Bowser for failing him. A Koopa Troopa (who's name just happened to be Barkeep) was the owner.

This particular evening, a Goomba named Gruber stumbled into the bar, and jumped onto a stool.

"Yo, Barkeep!" he shouted. "Gimme a Mushweiser!"

Gruber held the Goomba record for most times stomped on by Mario (3,691 times, and counting), and he had one heck of a headache. What made this headache worse was that Bowser had fired him earlier that day for failing him.

"I hate that overgrown lizard," he grumbled.

"Don't we all," the bartender said.

"You ever been fired by the big lunk?"

"Yep. Fifteen years ago. That's when I decided to open this bar. Best decision I ever made, I tell you. I don't get what his fixation is on Princess Peach, anyway. She ain't even gotta shell!"

"Go figure. No accounting for taste. I gotta tell ya, Barkeep, at least you had something to do with your life after you got sacked! Me, I got nothin'! Who wants to hire a Goomba? We can't do much, especially without arms! All we got are feet!"

Barkeep shrugged, and slid Gruber a glass of Mushweiser, with an extra long straw in it so the Goomba could drink it. As Gruber slurped his beer, he looked up at the TV in the corner. It was tuned to MKTV, and the news was on.

"And once again, the Mushroom Kingdom's ruler was saved from Bowser by Mario," the newscaster said.

"Pheh," Gruber groaned. "So what else is new?"

"In other news," the newscaster went on, "local adventurer, Captain Toad, and his Toad Brigade, returned to the Mushroom Kingdom this afternoon, after finding the rarest of rare treasures, the Golden Super Gem, in a location known as the Grand Labyrinth. Our roving reporter is at Princess Peach's castle, on the scene to give you the story."

The scene shifted to Princess Peach's castle, where a huge party was being given in honor for Captain Toad and his Toad Brigade.

"Who cares?" Gruber grumbled, rolling his eyes. "You see one shiny treasure, you've seen 'em all."

Gruber looked back at the TV, where the Toad Brigade came in. At the head of the Brigade was Toadette, the only female member of the Toad Brigade. She was holding the Golden Super Gem over her head, showing it off to the news cameras. Gruber suddenly snapped to attention, and jumped off his barstool.

_BOOOOIIIIING!_

"Hubba-hubba-hubba-hubba . . . ." he stammered. "Gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous!"

"Yeah, that is a nice lookin' rock, ain't it?" Barkeep asked.

"I'm not talking about the rock, suds snout!" Gruber shouted. He wished he had arms so he could give Barkeep a whack upside the head. "I'm talking about _her_!"

Gruber pointed toward the TV with his foot toward Toadette. Barkeep merely nodded, and began cleaning out a glass.

"She's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen!" Gruber went on. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah, she's kinda cute," Barkeep said, shrugging. "If you like Toads, that is. And please, stop drooling on my bar."

Gruber wasn't paying any attention. His gaze was fixated on Toadette. In fact, his eyes turned into giant hearts, and they began pulsating.

"I've made up my mind!" he shouted. "I'm gonna go to the Mushroom Kingdom, and sweep that cute little fungus off her feet!"

"How're ya gonna do that?" Barkeep asked. "You don't have arms!"

"I'll improvise!"

And with that, Gruber ran out of the bar. Barkeep sighed, and began wiping down the spot the Goomba had drooled on.

"Left without paying again," he muttered. "Why am I not surprised?"


	2. Gruber the Romeo

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: the lyrics to Gruber's "love song" (and I use the term VERY loosely) are mine. My most sincerest of apologies to the memory of Maestro Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and to his fans, for making a mockery of his music._

* * *

Gruber used a warp pipe to get to the Mushroom Kingdom. He figured he'd head to Toad Town first, thinking, since Toadette was a Toad, she probably lived there. Of course, finding Toadette wasn't going to be easy. After all, he didn't know her name, and he didn't necessarily want to knock on every single door in town asking the citizens who she was, or where she lived. However, he was in luck. Just as he wandered into Toad City, he saw Toadette walking with Toad. They were heading for a place called the Tiki Lounge, which was basically just a bar that specialized in non-alcoholic tropical juice drinks and smoothies.

"Eureeka!" Gruber shouted. He ran across the street, stopped in front of the bar, and waited a few moments to get control of himself. After all, he didn't want to appear too eager. Once he calmed down, he stepped into the bar.

Gruber looked around, and saw Toadette sitting at a table by herself. He cleared his throat, and walked over.

"Hiya, cutie," he said.

"Ummm . . . ." Toadette said, giving the Goomba a weird look. "Hi?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Huh?"

"Because if you don't, I can walk by again!"

Toadette groaned, rolled her eyes, and turned away. Gruber cleared his throat, and decided to try again.

"I'm a thief," he said, "and I'm here to steal your heart!"

"Oh brother," Toadette muttered, rolling her eyes again. This time, she turned away from Gruber.

Gruber wasn't out yet. He figured third time was the charm, so he went for one more.

"Your dad must've been an awesome baker," he said. "Because you have really nice buns!"

Toadette's eyes grew wide when she heard that, and she smacked Gruber across the face. Gruber shook his head to regain his composure.

"Okay, that was dumb of me," he said. "I shouldn't have said it. Let me buy you a drink to make up for my blatant stupidity."

"No thank you," Toadette said. "I don't drink with strangers."

"Okay . . . ."

Gruber paused for a moment, thinking about what to do next. Then another idea struck him.

"My name's Gruber," he said. "Now can I buy you a drink?"

"No!" Toadette shouted.

"Hey, Toadette!" Toad shouted, approaching the table carrying a couple of drinks. "Who's this Goomba?"

"Buzz off, buster!" Gruber shouted. "This is between me and Cutie-Face here!"

"Cutie-Face?" Toadette repeated.

Gruber head-butted Toad in the stomach to move him out of the way. Toad stumbled backwards and spilled both of the drinks all over himself. Gruber, of course, didn't pay any mind to him. He just jumped onto the seat next to Toadette, and moved in, quite uncomfortably close.

"Your eyes are like limpid pools of primordial ooze," he said, waving his eyebrows up and down. "And I am the protozoa that wish to swim in their depths."

"Check, please!" Toadette shouted, nervously, scooting away from Gruber.

"Okay, that does it," Toad said. "I'm gonna go get Peewee!"

"Peewee?" Gruber asked. "Oh yeah, like I'm really scared of a guy named Peewee! Look at me, I'm shaking like a leaf!"

Gruber began to laugh hysterically, until a giant shadow loomed over him. He looked up, and saw the biggest Toad he had ever seen in his life. He was a hulking brute, with muscles that could easily crack open a macadamia nut. He snarled, and picked up Gruber by the top of his head.

"Wh-wh-who is this guy?" Gruber asked, nervously.

"Peewee," Toad said, matter-of-factly. "He's the bouncer of this place."

"Is dis guy annoying youse, Miss Toadette?" Peewee asked.

"Yes, he is," Toadette said.

"I'll take care 'a him for ya," Peewee said.

The giant Toad then crumpled Gruber like a piece of paper, and hurled him out of the bar like a baseball. Gruber sailed clear across the street, and smashed into the side of the wall, popping back to his original shape.

"Anybody get the license number of that truck?" he asked, dazedly, stumbling around a bit. He shook his head to gain his composure, and began walking away.

"See if I ever patronize that joint again," he said. "Oh well. Minor set back. At least it wasn't a total loss. I found out Dream Boat's name, after all! All I need now is to find out where she lives!"

Gruber walked into the nearest phone booth, and opened the phone book inside of it. He used his feet to turn the pages until he got to the T section. When he found what he was looking for, he ripped the page out of the book with his teeth, and ran off.

"Don't fret, my little fungus love muffin!" he shouted, as he ran toward Toad Town. "Your little Goomba god of love will be yours tonight!

It was about one o' clock in the morning when Gruber made his way to Toad Town. He found Toadette's house easily. It was a two-story mushroom shaped house with a pink roof, surrounded by a little white picket fence.

"This is the place all right," Gruber said, checking the phone book page. "Now to get my supplies."

Gruber ran off, and returned shortly afterward, balancing an old phonograph and a pitch pipe on his head. He checked to make sure the record on the phonograph was correct, wound it up, and set the needle on the record. Then he blew into his pitch pipe.

"Me-me-me-me-meeeee," he sang, warming up a bit.

The notes to the love theme from Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet" filled the air, and Gruber began to sing.

_Toooaaaaaadeeeeeeeeeeette!_

_I love you oh-only!_

_Without you IIIIIIIIIII'm_

_So very lo-oh-onley!_

_You are so beautiful_

_And you have a nice tush!_

Lights went on in every house in Toad Town upon hearing this. Gruber was positively the worst singer in the entire Mushroom Kingdom. Several Toad babies woke up crying from the noise.

"You know," one Toad mother said to her husband, while trying to rock their baby back to sleep, "someone should find that poor animal and put it out of it's misery!"

Toadette wasn't to thrilled with the noise, either. She got out of her bed, and walked out onto her balcony to see what all the noise was about, and found Gruber in her yard, warbling his love song to her. When Gruber saw her, he began a second chorus.

_I loooooove yooooooouuuuu!_

_Love, love, love, love, love yooooouuuu!_

_Love, love, love yoooooouuuuu!_

_You get the picture, toots?_

_I love you, baaaaaay-beeeeee!_

"Oh no," Toadette groaned. She then ran off the balcony, and back into her house.

"Where's she going?" Gruber asked. "Oh well. Guess I'll just keep singing."

_You're gooooorrrrrgeous!_

_You're one bodacious babe!_

_And all I want to doooooo_

_Is be yoooooouuuuuurrrrr_

_Little Goomby-Wooooombaaaa!_

By this time, Toadette had returned to her balcony with a bucket of water. She dumped the water over Gruber's head, and threw the bucket over him as well.

"Good night!" she shouted. Then she stormed back into her bedroom, and slammed the balcony door shut.

Gruber sputtered, and shook himself a bit, trying to get the excess water off of him.

"Hmm," he said. "Must be a music hater. Better try something else."

Since Gruber was using the music from "Romeo and Juliet," he decided to take a page out of the source material. He ran off again, taking his phonograph with him, and returned wearing a flat cap with a gigantic feather in it, and balancing a ladder on top of his head. He set the ladder against Toadette's balcony, and began climbing.

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "It is the east! And fair Toadette is the sun!"

Not only was Gruber tone deaf, he was also a huge ham. His overdramatic shouting woke Toadette again, and she was not amused.

"Oh no," she groaned. She grunted frustratedly, got out of bed, and went to her balcony just to see what in the world this stupid Goomba was up to this time.

"Oh Toadette! Toadette!" Gruber shouted, melodramatically. "Where the heck art thou, Toadette! Deny thy Toads, and refuse them all, but be sworn to me, and I'll be an extremely happy camper!"

"Oh brother," Toadette sighed, just as Gruber made it to the top of the ladder.

"Hiya, sweet cheeks," he said. "How's about a kiss for your little Romeo?"

Gruber then closed his eyes, and leaned towards Toadette, with his lips puckered. He began making kissing noises at her as well.

"Ew!" Toadette shouted. Immediately, she grabbed the ladder, and pushed it away from the balcony as fast as she could.

"Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!" Gruber shouted as he fell. He wound up landing flat on his back.

To further discourage the amorous Goomba, Toadette ran back into her house, and returned to the balcony carrying a flower pot, and she dropped it. It was right on target, hitting Gruber directly on the head.

CRASH!

The flower pot broke upon impact, and covered Gruber with dirt.

"Get out of here and let me get some sleep!" Toadette shouted. "Honestly!"

Toadette stormed back into her house, and slammed the balcony door shut once again. Gruber shook himself to regain his composure, stood up, and left.

"Guess she's not a patron of the classics," he said. "Okay, never mind. I love a challenge, anyway. I'll win over my little honey-bunny-butter-butt, one way or another!"


	3. And So It Begins

The next day, Toadette went to Peach's Castle. Mario wanted to plan one of his infamous "Mario Party" games, and Toad and Toadette had agreed to be the hosts. When Toadette arrived at the castle, Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, and Toad noticed how sleepy she looked.

"You okay, Toadette?" Toad asked.

"Yeah, I just didn't get much sleep last night," Toadette said. "There was a Goomba in my yard singing, and he was doing it _very_ badly!"

"Oh, I was wondering what that noise last night was," Mario said.

"Yeah," Luigi replied. "At first, I thought something was dying out there."

"I think he woke up the entire kingdom," Peach said. "We all heard it."

"Did you also hear it when he tried to do the balcony scene from _Romeo and Juliet_?" Toadette asked.

"No, we didn't hear that one," Mario said.

"I never knew Goombas could be so persistent," Toadette said.

"Or so disgusting!" Toad shouted.

"Well, I doubt you'll hear from him again," Mario said. "Come on, let's get started planning this party."

Toadette nodded, and started to go over the plans Mario had in mind, doing her best to forget about the Goomba. Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to get her mind off Gruber. She kept getting the feeling she was being watched. The others noticed she kept looking out the window every now and again.

"What's the matter, Toadette?" Peach asked.

"I keep getting this feeling I'm being watched," Toadette said.

"I'll take a look," Mario said. He walked toward the window, opened it, and took a good look around outside.

"Hmmm," he said. "Nothing here. It must be your imagination, Toadette."

Toadette sighed, but she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her. She had good reason to feel this way, though. Someone _was_ watching her, and it was Gruber. He was hiding in the bushes directly underneath the window. Every time Toadette would look, he'd duck down into the bushes. That was why Mario didn't see him when he checked.

"If it makes you feel any better," Mario said, "we'll close the curtains, okay?"

"Thanks, Mario," Toadette said. "That will make me feel better."

_Rats!_ Gruber thought, as Mario pulled the curtains closed, blocking the Goomba's view of Toadette.

Gruber jumped out of the bushes, and began pacing back and forth.

"I've got to get in there," he said. "I _must_ get to my little snuggly-wuggly-buggly-boo!"

Gruber walked around the castle grounds until he got an idea. He ran around until he found the castle's gutter pipe, and climbed it to the roof. Then he ran to the castle's chimney, and jumped down it.

"If Santa Claus can do it, so can I!" he shouted.

Being a normal sized Goomba, Gruber slid down the chimney effortlessly. Unfortunately, his landing left much to be desired. He landed in the kitchen, directly on an old, cast iron, wood burning stove, which was in use.

"Hey, what's cooking?" he asked, sniffing the air. "Smells like roasted mushrooms."

The minute Gruber said that, he realized something. He _was_ a mushroom. Finally, he felt a burning sensation in his rear end, and jumped off the stove immediately.

"YEEEEEEOUUUUUUUUCH!" he yelled, and began jumping around, trying to put out the fire on his backside. "Ooch! Eeech! Ouch! Aaahh! Oooh! Yaaahh! Ow! Eee! Oh! Oooh!"

Gruber found a bucket of water close by, and jumped in it, putting out the fire immediately.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh," he sighed, relieved he was no longer cooking. "Whoever said love hurts sure wasn't kidding!"

Gruber jumped out of the bucket, and began to wander around Peach's castle, looking for Toadette. This was the first time he had ever been inside the castle, so he had absolutely no idea where he was going.

"Now, let me see," he said. "Where do I find my little baby bunny bumpkins?"

Gruber began pushing open doors quietly. He didn't want to draw attention to himself. As he was searching the palace, a Toad happened to walk by and see him.

"Eeeeek!" she shouted. "A Goomba in the palace! Your highness! Your highness!"

The Toad raced down the hallway, while Gruber raced in the opposite direction. He didn't want to be caught hanging around, especially if Mario was still there, that was for sure!

While Gruber was trying to find his way out of the palace, the Toad that spotted him raced into the throne room.

"Your highness!" she shouted. "There's a Goomba in the palace!"

"A Goomba?" Peach asked. "Where?"

"Down in the east wing!" the Toad shouted. "Near the kitchen! Bowser must have sent him to scout the place!"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it!" Mario shouted, and he ran out of the throne room in order to locate the rogue Goomba.

"I wonder if it's the same Goomba that was in my yard last night?" Toadette asked.

"I dunno," Toad said, shrugging. "Could be. But then again, all Goombas look alike to me."

Toadette, Peach, and Luigi had to agree with that one.

Mario searched the east wing of the castle, and found Gruber opening doors. He quietly snuck up behind him.

"Where's the exit to this place, anyway?" Gruber asked.

"I'll be glad to show you," Mario said.

"Hey, thanks," Gruber said, as he turned around to face who was talking to him. "I gotta tell ya, this place is like a maze, and . . . . oh crud."

Mario jumped into the air, and landed on Gruber, squashing him flat. Then he picked up the Goomba, carried him toward the front door of the castle, and threw him out unceremoniously.

"Tell Bowser he's gonna have to do better than that!" he shouted.

"Whooooaaa!" Gruber shouted, as he sailed through the air, and landed face first into a tree. He slid down, and popped back into his original shape.

"I hate that plumber," he groaned, dazedly. He got his wits back and second later.

"Okay, so that didn't work out, either," he said. "I need to come up with something different. But first, I gotta get home and take care of this headache!"

Gruber immediately went to his drab little one-room apartment in the Goomba Arms building, located in the seedy section of Neo Bowser City. Once there, he flopped in his mattress (he couldn't afford an entire bed), and closed his eyes, in order to nurse his headache. That's when he got a brilliant idea.

"That's it!" he shouted. "I need to start out small, and work my way up!"

Immediately, Gruber grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper, and began writing.

The next day, Toadette skipped out to the mailbox to check her mail. Inside she found a letter, but the writing on the envelope looked like it had been written by either a small child, or with someone's foot. There was no name in the return address spot, either. Just a post office box number. The letter was written in the same style, and the spelling was atrocious.

_Deer Toedet, I am yor bigest fan. U ar so prittie. Kood u pleez send me an ottograf pickcher? Luv yor bigest fan._

"Awww," Toadette said, when she read the letter. "This must be from a child. He or she probably doesn't know how to spell yet."

This wasn't the first fan letter Toadette had received. She was pretty popular among the Toads, since she joined the Toad Brigade, so she had a few eight by ten photos of her in her desk drawer she kept for just such an occasion.

"To my biggest fan," she said, as she signed the picture. "Love, Toadette. There, that should do it. Too bad he or she didn't put their name on the letter. Maybe he or she is just too shy."

Toadette put the photo in an envelope, wrote the return address on it, and skipped off to the post office to send mail it.

The next day, Gruber went to check his mail at his post office box in Neo Bowser City. When he saw a manila envelope inside, he immediately grabbed it, and ran back to his apartment. He tore it open with his teeth, and found the autographed photo of Toadette.

"She read my letter!" he shouted, happily. "She answered my letter! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"

Gruber put the photo in a picture frame (which was covered in red and pink hearts), and began kissing it.

"Love Toadette, she said!" he sighed, happily. "She loves me! I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I _knew_ it! I knew my little mooshie gooshie tushie loved me!"

Gruber put the photo next to his mattress, and then dug out another piece if paper, in order to pen another letter to Toadette.


	4. Love Letters

The next morning, Toadette went to check her mail, and found another letter from the same post office box, and the same bad spelling.

_Deer Toedet, thank u fore yor ottograf. I wil trejur it alwaze. If it is posibel, kood u send me mor pickchers of u? Becawz u r so bootiful tu me. I luv u. I want to be yor litel skwidgie widdums! Luv, yor bigest fan_

"Squidgie widdums?" Toadette asked, making a face as she read the letter. "Eww."

Toadette crumpled up the letter, and threw it into the trash. She no longer thought it was from a child. No way was she going to respond to this letter, that was for sure. When Gruber didn't get a response to his letter, he immediately wrote another one to Toadette.

"She probably didn't get it," he said. "She'll get this one. I'll make sure of it!"

In order to make sure Toadette got the next letter, he went to her house, and stuck it in the mailbox himself the next day. Then he hid in the bushes, and waited for Toadette to check the mail. When she did, she opened the letter, and read it.

_Deer Toedet, I am riting this becawz u probly did not get my last letar. It probly got lost in the mayl, but that's ok. I still luv u. Pleez rite back tu me! Luv, yur litel Skwidgie Widdums_

"Again with the Squidgie Widdums," Toadette sighed, as she crumpled the letter. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!"

Toadette threw the letter away, and left her house. She had to go to Peach's castle in order to help make the arrangements for Mario's latest party. Gruber jumped out of his hiding place, and glared after Toadette.

"Oh no you don't," he said. "I'm not gonna give up that easily, my little princess poopsie woopsie!"

Gruber ran back to his apartment, and began to write yet another letter to Toadette.

"She's just playing hard to get, after all," he said, as he dropped his latest letter in the mailbox. "She'll learn to love me, I'm sure of it!"

The next day, Gruber stuck three letters in Toadette's mailbox. Toadette retrieved them, and opened them, one at a time.

_Deer Toedet, I figerd I'd stik my letars in yur maylbocks myself, just to mak shur u ar geting them. Pleez replie. I need to no yur reeding them. Rite bak to me, my deepist dezyer is to heer frum u, my luvlie fungus froot roll! Luv, Skwidgie Widdums_

Toadette made a face, rolled her eyes, and went to the next letter, which wasn't much better than the first one.

_Deerist Toedet, I wish u wood anser my letars! I want to heer from u, my sweet shuger babie buttar been! I luv u mor than I kan say. Pleez rite bak! Luv yur litel yummy gummy Goomby Woomby Goo. PS, send me mor pickchers. I adoor gazing upon yor beeyutifull face._

"Sweet sugar baby butter bean?!" Toadette shouted. "Oh yuck! These must be from that Goomba that was at the Tiki Lounge the other night! Ew, ew, ew, ew, _ew_!"

Toadette then went to the third letter, which had an audio tape inside of it.

_Deerist Toedet, I luv u, I luv u, I luv u, I luv u! Luv (get the pickcher), yur litel Schmoopsy-Poo. PS: Enjoy the song. PPS: I luv u!_

"Ugh," Toadette groaned, and she took the tape inside her house, and went up to the attic to dig out her old tape recorder.

"Maybe it's a good thing I saved this," she said. "You never know when you're going to get an audio tape in the mail."

Toadette put fresh batteries into the tape player, and pushed the play button. Almost immediately, she wished she hadn't. The voice of the Goomba was the next thing she heard, singing.

_You're my honey bunch, sugar plum_

_Pumpy-umpy-umpkin_

_You're my sweetie pie_

_You're my cuppycake, gumdrop_

_Snoogums, boogums, you're_

_The apple of my eye_

"Bleeccchhhh!" Toadette shouted. "I know I'm the cutesey-wootsey type, but that's too much, even for _me_ to handle! I've gotta clear my head."

Toadette left her house, looking a little sick. As she was leaving, she ran into Toad, who was taking a walk around Toad Town.

"Hey, Toadette!" he called out. "What's the matter?"

"I've got a not-so-secret admirer," Toadette said. "I think it's that Goomba who was at the Tiki Lounge the other night."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and he's so gross. Look at these letters."

Toad began reading through the letters, and he made a face at some of the nicknames he used in them.

"And that's not the worst," Toadette said. "He also sent me a tape of him singing the cuppycake song."

"Oh no!" Toad shouted. "_Not_ the cuppycake song! Gross! Ooooohhhh, I like cute as much as the next Toad, but that song is just _too_ cutesy-wootsey for _any_body! Bleah!"

"I know. I need some air."

"Come on, I'll take you downtown and buy you a nice strawberry banana smoothie."

"Thanks."

"And maybe a cuppycake."

Toad let out a laugh, and took off running, before Toadette had a chance to punch him, but she did chase after him. Gruber watched them leave, and was not at all happy.

"Looks like I've got to keep this up," he said. "I refuse to stop until she answers me!"

Gruber went back to his apartment, and began writing more letters, and stuffing them into Toadette's mailbox. Toadette was getting downright sick of it. And she nearly literally became sick when she found one of Gruber's letters smelled like rotting fish and old cheese. He had bought some cheap cologne and sprayed that particular letter with it. It got to the point where Toadette recognized the handwriting, and didn't even open the letters anymore.

"I need some advice," she sighed.

Toadette then went directly to Peach's castle. If anyone in the Mushroom Kingdom knew about abhorrent admirers, it was Princess Peach. She brought the unopened letters, the letters she kept, and the audio tape as well. When she got to the castle, she found not only Peach, but Mario and Luigi there as well.

"Hello, Toadette," Peach said. "What brings you here?"

"Yeah, the party's not for a couple more weeks," Mario said. "They've still got to build the boards, and that's gonna take awhile."

"I've got a problem with an unwanted admirer," she said, handing Peach the letters. Peach handed some to Mario and Luigi as well.

"Little yummy gummy Goomby-woomby goo?" Luigi asked, making a face. "Ohhhhh . . . . I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Even Bowser isn't _this_ bad!" Mario shouted. "Not when it comes to names like this, anyway."

"The worst he's ever used is Peachykins," Peach said.

"I thought if I ignored him, he'd go away," Toadette said. "But he just keeps on writing."

"Yeah, Goombas are persistent little monsters, aren't they?" Mario said. "Obviously, ignoring him isn't going to work."

"Maybe you should write back to him," Peach said.

"What?!" Toadette shouted.

"No, really," Peach continued. "If ignoring him is going to make him continue to write to you, I think you should write to him and let him know you're not interested."

"You think that will work?" Toadette asked.

"I don't know," Mario said. "You've told Bowser you're not interested at least a billion or so times, and he never seems to get the hint."

"I suppose you two have any better ideas?" Peach asked.

Mario and Luigi looked at each other, and shrugged. Peach did have a point there. They couldn't come up with anything better, so Toadette went back to her house, and began composing a letter to the overly amorous Goomba.

The next day, Gruber went to check his P.O. box, expecting it to be empty (with the exception of a couple of overdue bill notices and general junk mail). Inside, he found a letter from Toadette. Immediately, he ripped it open, and began reading it, excitedly.

_Dear Mr. Goomba, I am not interested in being your "little sugar baby butter bean," and I certainly don't want you to be my "little yummy gummy Goomby woomby goo." You will never get any more photos from me, and I am now regretting I ever sent my autograph to you. You are extremely annoying, not to mention disgusting. Stop writing to me. Signed, Toadette_

Gruber's lower jaw hit the ground after he read the letter. The little hearts that were floating above his head cracked, and fell to the ground as well.

"This . . . . this can't be," he said. "She _loves_ me! I _know _she loves me!"

Gruber just stood there, not knowing what to do, or say. Finally, he threw the letter down, and began stomping on it.

"No!" he shouted. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I refuse to believe it! I'll make her realize she loves me if it's the last thing I do!"


	5. Gruber's Collection

An entire week went by, and Toadette hadn't heard from Gruber. She hadn't seen him lurking around, either. Finally, she could have a little peace. At least that's what she thought. What she didn't realize was Gruber was hiding out in the bushes, with a camera, taking candid photos of her. If she wasn't going to send him pictures, he had to take his own. For one whole week, he would follow Toadette around, making sure he was well hidden, and take photos of her. Once he got the photos developed, he would tack them up on the walls of his apartment, until they were completely covered. He even put photos on the ceiling when there wasn't any space left on the walls. Not only did he have photos, he also drew pictures of Toadette (all in crayon), and put them up as well. He even cut out pictures of Toadette's head, and pasted them onto photos of famous paintings (his favorite was one he called "The Birth of Fungus"). But he didn't stop there.

Gruber went to Toadette's house on garbage pickup days, and dug through her trash, just to get a souvenir. He had a whole table full of plastic containers with Toadette's garbage in it, such as orange rinds, an empty carton of milk, a dented soda can, and the like. He would watch Toadette's house like a hawk, and sneak in whenever she left. And every time, he left with a different souvenir. At first, it was little things, such as a couple of pens and pencils, and a spoon from her dishwasher. Then he began getting bolder. He took an extra pair of Toadette's shoes, her toothbrush, one of her extra vests, and some other nicknacks here and there.

One day, as Gruber was cataloging his collection, there was a knock on his door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"It's me, Gordy," a voice said from behind the door.

Gruber walked over to the door and opened it, revealing another Goomba, named Gordy.

"Hey, Grube," he said, walking into the apartment. "Just came over to see how things were. Since Lord Bowser gave you the axe, nobody's seen you around . . . . for . . . . a . . . ."

Gordy trailed off when he got a good look at Gruber's "wallpaper." He wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Uhhhh," he said. "New decor?"

"Yeah," Gruber said. "What do you think of it?"

"Well . . . . . it's different, I can tell ya that. What made you decide on Toad photos for your walls, anyway? I mean, if you wanted mushroom decor, why didn't you just go to Spores and Roll-rim's? The missus went there and did our whole kitchen in Funny Fungus."

"Because Funny Fungus doesn't have the face of my little snookie-wookie-shoogie-woogie-honey-bunny-pookie pie!"

"What?"

Gordy gave Gruber a weird look. Gruber didn't pay any attention. He just began rearranging the items on his table, with a huge smile on his face.

"You feeling okay, Grube?" Gordy asked.

"I'm feeling fine," Gruber said. "Why wouldn't I feel fine? After all, I'm surrounded by my beautiful, beloved Toadette!"

"Hold the phone! Are you telling me you're in love with a _Toad_?!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, really. I'm just a little surprised, that's all. I mean, I prefer lady Goombas, myself, but, meh. To each their own. I guess . . . . ."

"Oh, Gordy, come here and check this out!"

Gordy walked over to the table, and looked at all the stuff on it. There were stuffed dolls, plastic figures, a couple of models of her Mario Karts, a plush doll of her in her Toad Brigade outfit, a doll of her in a cat suit, a doll of her as a flying squirrel, and a Russian nesting doll featuring Toadette's likeness. There were also old Mario Kart programs, pink pennants with Toadette's name on them, and various other souvenirs from various Mario Karts, tennis tournaments, and other sporting events that featured Toadette's likeness on them.

"Look at my Toadette collection!" Gruber shouted.

"That's . . . . really neat, Gruber," Gordy said, a little confused.

"Yeah, isn't it great?!" Gruber shouted.

"Yeah, great . . . . how'd you get the money to afford all this . . . . stuff?"

"The Mario method. I smashed a bunch of question blocks with my head."

"That explains a lot."

"Now come and look at my one of a kind Toadette collectibles! No other Toadette fan in the world has stuff like this!"

"I can hardly wait . . . ."

Gordy walked over to the next table. Everything was inside either a jar, a plastic container, or a plastic baggie, and labeled.

"Toadette's breakfast orange rinds," Gordy read. "Toadette's pens and pencils, Toadette's milk carton, Toadette's soda can . . . . why would you want an old, dented soda can?"

"Because her lips touched the rim of it!" Gruber shouted. "And look at this spoon! Her lips touched that, too! And they touched this plastic straw, too!"

"Riiiiiiight."

Gordy continued looking at the items on the table, getting more and more uneasy as he went.

"Flower from Toadette's garden," he said, "clippings from Toadette's lawn, batteries from Toadette's TV remote control, Toadette's empty lip balm tin, Toadette's used bubblegum . . . . used bubblegum?! Dude, that's dis_gust_ing!"

"And she was just cutely skipping along the street, happy as a bird on the wing, blowing little pink bubbles, tra-la, tra-la . . . . then she stopped, put the gum in a tissue, threw it in the trash, and skipped along her merry way . . . . I had to grab it before someone else could!"

"You are one sick Goomba, dude."

Gruber didn't pay his friend any mind. Gordy just shook his head, and continued looking at Gruber's collection, just for the sake of curiosity. He kind of wanted to see how far Gruber had gone.

"Uhh, why is there an empty jar here?" he asked.

"That's the air my sweet sugar lump breathed," Gruber sighed dreamily. "And look what else I got! Her cute little shoesie-woosies!"

"Shoesie-woosies?"

"Yup! Her cute little shoesie-woosies that she once wore in the winter, that kept her cute little toesie-woesies all nice and warm and snuggie-poo!"

"Snuggie-poo? Grube, are you getting enough oxygen in here?"

"And wait'll you see this!"

"I'm not sure I want to . . . ."

Gruber pulled a box out from under the table. It turned out to be a small TV set, straight out of the 1970's. Gruber plugged it in and turned it on. Static appeared on the screen, and then Gruber began fiddling with the rabbit ear antennae on it.

"Wow, Grube," Gordy said, somewhat sarcastically. "That's . . . . really great, dude. Way to keep up with the times, man."

Gruber didn't answer. He just continued fiddling with the antennae, and then wound up kicking the side of the set. Finally, the static cleared to a scene that looked like an empty kitchen, with nothing going on.

"What kinda channel is this?" Gordy asked.

Gruber didn't answer. He just turned the dial on the TV to another channel, and it revealed a bedroom. Nothing was happening there, either.

"Toadette-Vision!" he shouted, happily. "I bought a bunch of little cameras, and hooked them up when she wasn't home. It's got four channels! Living room, kitchen, backyard, and bedroom. Now I can watch my little snuggle bumps while she sleeps!"

"Gruber, you're sick. I'm getting outta here before I catch your crazy!"

"Wait a minute! You need to check this out, too! I picked this up after I installed the cameras!"

Gruber then pulled out a small pink nightgown with short, puffy sleeves, and white lace trim on the collar and cuffs. Gordy looked at it, and then at Gruber, as if he were crazy.

"It's you, Grube," he said. "It's definitely you. I can just see you walking down the street wearing that, starting a fashion trend."

"It's not for me to wear, stupid!" Gruber shouted, giving Gordy a kick in the behind. "It's Toadette's! Just think! She wore this one night while dreaming of me, her wittle Grubie-Wooby-Goomby-Woomby-Gooby-Goo!"

Gruber then began rubbing his face against Toadette's nightgown, as if it were a security blanket. Gordy once again looked at him as if he were out of his mind (which he probably was), and slowly inched toward the door.

"Yeah, okay, Grube," he said. "I'm just . . . . gonna go now, okay?"

Gruber didn't acknowledge Gordy, and continued cuddling with Toadette's nightgown. Gordy left the apartment, shut the door behind him, and raced down the stairs as fast as he could.

"Somebody oughta call those nice young men in their clean white coats to pick him up!" he shouted. "Now I know why the boss fired him. He's nuts!"


	6. Somebody's Watching Me

Several days later, Toadette was sitting in her kitchen, eating her breakfast when her phone rang. She immediately got up to answer it.

"Hello?" she asked. There was no answer on the other end. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

The next thing Toadette heard was a click, and then the dial tone. She put the phone back on the hook, shrugged, and went back to her breakfast. The caller happened to be Gruber. He had forgotten he still had the page he tore out of the phone book that had Toadette's address on it. He had completely forgotten it also included her phone number, and decided to give her a call. However, when she picked it up, he choked, and hung up. A few moments later, he summoned up his courage, and decided to call her again.

By this time, Toadette was putting her dirty breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. When her phone rang a second time, she went over and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked. Once again, there was no answer on the other side. "Hello? Hello! Not again!"

Toadette heaved a sigh, and hung up the phone. Two seconds later, it rang again. And for the third time, nobody was on the other end. Toadette growled a little, hung up the phone, and left her house. She had things to do, anyway.

As Toadette walked around Toad Town, she suddenly got the feeling she was being followed. But every time she turned around to look behind her, there was no one there. Unfortunately, she just couldn't shake the feeling someone, or something, was following her. Of course, she was being followed. Gruber was staying a good five feet away from her, and ducking behind bushes, trees, or whatever else was handy whenever she turned around to look.

When Toadette got home that night, she found a note on her door. She knew it was from Gruber. She recognized his handwriting.

_I still luv u. I will nevar stop foloing u. I wil folo u to the ends of the erth. Kissie kissie!_

"Ick!" Toadette shouted, and she ran inside her house immediately.

The minute Toadette was inside, her phone rang. Nervously, she picked it up.

"H-hello?" she asked.

Instead of complete silence, Toadette heard extremely heavy breathing on the other end. She immediately hung up. Almost immediately, the phone rang again. Toadette hesitated in picking it up, worrying that it was another obscene phone call. But it could have also been Mario, or Toad. She heaved a sigh, and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked, nervously.

"Hello, my sweet sugar puff muffin," Gruber said, and he started panting. "It's your little Goomby-Woomby! I just called to say I love you!"

"Goodbye!" Toadette shouted, slamming the phone down.

Five minutes later, the phone rang again. Toadette moaned. She decided to just let it ring this time. She also made a mental note to herself to get caller ID the next chance she got.

After about ten rings, the phone finally stopped. Toadette heaved a sigh of relief, but the relief was short lived. One minute later, it started ringing again. Ignoring it was going to drive her crazy, she knew that, and it could have been one of her friends, after all. After weighing the options, she finally picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked.

"I know you're there, my little coconut cream cuppycake!" Gruber shouted. "I can hear you breathing!"

"Stop calling me!" Toadette shouted. "I don't know how you got my number, but just stop it, okay? And stop following me around!"

"I can't help it! I worship the ground you walk on, my little pomegranate pudding pot pie!"

"And stop calling me by those stupid names, already! What do you want from me?"

"I don't want much, my love. I just want you! I want you to love me! Love me as much as I love you, my darling dew drop!"

"_Love_ you? I don't even _like _you!"

"You could learn!"

"No! Never! I could never love someone like you! Now leave me alone!"

Toadette slammed the phone down on it's hook. Almost immediately after, it rang again. Toadette growled, and picked it up.

"STOP BOTHERING ME!" she screamed.

"What'd I do?" Toad asked.

"Wait . . . . who is this?" Toadette asked, sounding confused.

"It's me, Toad. You okay, Toadette?"

"Oh, hi, Toad. Sorry about that. I thought it was that stupid lovesick Goomba. He's been calling me on the phone now. I need caller ID."

"And some good Goomba repellent. Anyway, I'm calling to let you know Princess Peach wants us at her castle tomorrow morning at ten. The construction crew's almost done with the boards and she and the Bros. want to go over some final preparations for the party."

"Okay. I'll be there, thanks."

"And don't worry about that Goomba. If he shows up at the castle, Mario will take care of him, and good!"

"Yeah. Bye, Toad."

Toadette hung up the phone, and heaved a sigh. Then she went upstairs to take a nice, relaxing bubble bath, in order to forget her troubles. Unfortunately, her troubles would not allow her to forget them. At one in the morning, she was awakened by her phone ringing. She groaned, reached over, and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked, groggily.

"Hiya, honey," Gruber said.

"You again?" Toadette moaned. "What do you want _now_?"

"I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you look when you're sleeping."

"How do you know what I look like when I'm sleeping?"

"I can see you, my sweet, scrumptious strawberry shortcake!"

"You . . . . you can _see_ me?"

"You bet your bippy I can! I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake . . . ."

"You . . . . do?"

"Oh yes, my little bubbly buttercup! Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you."

Toadette let out a whimper, not knowing what to do or say. The thought of the Goomba being able to see everything she did really freaked her out.

"You're so cute when you're scared stiff," Gruber said. Then he kissed the phone. "Good night, my precious potato puff. Sweet dreeeeeaaaaaams . . . . ."

Toadette heard a click, and then the dial tone. Slowly, she hung up her phone, and covered her head with her blanket, hoping every inch of her body was covered with it. Unfortunately, she was unable to get back to sleep after _that_ phone call. Every time she tried, she would think of Gruber watching her every move, and it was enough to wake her up again.

By the time she arrived at Peach's castle, she looked (and felt) like she had been run over by a truck. Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad were shocked when they saw her. She had dark circles under her eyes, her eyelids were drooping, and she was staggering.

"Hi, everybody," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Toadette, you look terrible!" Toad shouted. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Toadette said, yawning again.

"Are you sure?" Luigi asked.

"Mm hmm," Toadette said, nodding. "I'm . . . . just . . . . fine . . . ."

Toadette sat down in a chair, leaned against the table, and fell asleep. Mario and the others looked at her, and then looked at each other, not knowing what to think. This wasn't like Toadette at all.

"Wow," Toad said. "She must have been up all night answering phone calls from that Goomba."

"What Goomba?" Mario asked.

"She said there's this Goomba that's been writing to her, following her around, calling her on the phone, and calling her dumb nicknames," Toad explained.

"Oh dear," Peach said. "I guess my advice didn't help her at all."

"Toadette?" Mario asked, gently shaking Toadette's shoulder.

"I'm awake! I'm awake!" Toadette shouted, bolting up. "Ready for adventure, Captain Toad!"

"Easy, Toadette, easy," Mario said.

"Oh, sorry," Toadette said. "I guess I nodded off for a minute."

"Toadette, are you _sure_ you're okay?" Peach asked. "Toad just told us about that Goomba that's been bothering you."

"Well . . . ." Toadette said, hesitantly. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell her friends about the phone call she got from Gruber the night before. Then she thought about what he said, and then sighed.

"No, I'm not okay," she said. "He called me last night, and told me I looked beautiful when I was asleep. He said he could see me. He said he knows when I'm sleeping, and he knows when I'm awake, and that he's always watching me."

"He _what_?!" Mario shouted.

"Eeewwww . . . ." Luigi grimaced.

"He also said he loves me," Toadette went on. "And that he wants me to love him!"

"Gross!" Toad shouted, cringing.

"And . . . . and I don't think he's ever gonna stop!" Toadette shouted, and then suddenly burst into tears. "I'm so scared of what he might do next!"

"Oh my!" Peach shouted. Then she gave Toadette a big hug. "You poor little thing!"

"This Goomba sounds ten times worse than Bowser," Mario said.

"Yeah," Luigi agreed. "I don't even think he'd resort to stalking Princess Peach."

"Don't worry about a thing, Toadette," Mario said, putting his hand on the mushroom girl's shoulder. "Everything is gonna be okay. Come on, Luigi. Let's go!"

"Go where?" Luigi asked.

"I want to check Toadette's house from top to bottom," Mario said. "I want to see just exactly how this overly amorous Goomba is able to see her every move."

"Thanks, guys," Toadette said, sniffling. "I really appreciate this, and . . . ."

Toadette stopped abruptly and let out a shriek. The others were immediately on their guard.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Mario asked.

"It's him!" Toadette shouted, pointing to the window. "He's here! At the window!"

Mario immediately ran to the window, opened it, and looked around, but there wasn't anyone there. He even leaned out the window, and dug around the bushes.

"There's nothing here," he said, shrugging.

"But he _was_ there!" Toadette shouted. "I swear, I _saw_ him! He was looking in on us! Looking in on _me_! Really he was!"

"It's okay, Toadette," Mario said. "If he was there, he's gone now."

"There he is again!" Toadette shouted. Mario whirled around, but once again, he didn't see anything. He even dug through the bushes again.

"Nope," he said. "Nothing here."

"Oh great," Toadette groaned. "This Goomba's making me so crazy, I keep seeing him everywhere I go!"

Toadette sniffled, and began crying again. Toad and Peach did their best to comfort her. Mario and Luigi were about to leave, when Luigi suddenly got the feeling the group was being watched. He glanced at the window, and grabbed his brother's shoulder.

"Mario, look!" he shouted. "There _is_ a Goomba at the window!"

"What?" Mario asked.

Indeed, there was Gruber, hiding in the bushes under the window, peeking in at the group. When Toadette saw him the first two times, he managed to hide in the mulch before Mario could catch him. When Luigi caught him, he tried to duck back down, but it was too late. Mario had seen him, too.

"After him!" the red-clad plumber shouted. "Come on, bro!"

Mario opened the window, and dove out of it. Luigi followed, a bit apprehensively.

"I'm outta here!" Gruber shouted, racing out of the bush as fast as he could.

Mario and Luigi gave chase, but Gruber managed to out run them, heading for a group of green warp pipes. Gruber smiled sneakily, waved his eyebrows up and down, and jumped into one of them. By the time Mario and Luigi arrived, he was long gone, and the brothers couldn't figure out which warp pipe he had jumped into.

"Mama mia!" Mario shouted. "He could've gone into any of these pipes!"

"And it'll take too long to search them all," Luigi said. "We'd better head back."

"Right."

Mario and Luigi decided to head directly to Toadette's house after that. They wanted to check it out before Toadette returned home. They searched every bit of it with the proverbial fine tooth comb, and Mario managed to find something in a vase on an end table in the living room. It was a small, black object, no bigger than a marble.

"Hey, Luigi!" he called out. "Check this out."

"What is it?" Luigi asked.

"I don't know for sure. But it was stuck in the vase there. Doesn't look like it belongs in a bunch of flowers to me, that's for sure."

"Think there might be more?"

"Probably. Let's go!"

Immediately, the brothers split up, and began searching Toadette's house from top to bottom, inside and out, practically turning it inside out. They found three more of these little devices. One was planted next to the kitchen window, another was hidden in the ceiling light in the bedroom, and the last one was found next to the back porch light.

"Mario, I think I know what these are," Luigi said. "I think they're miniature spy cameras. I saw something that looked just like these on TV once, during a James Bolete spy movie marathon."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Mario said, dropping the cameras on the floor and stomping on them. "Matter of fact, I'm sure you're right, bro. The Toad City First National Bank uses these same types of cameras for security. We'd better head back to the castle and let Peach know right away!"

"Right, but maybe we should clean up Toadette's house a little bit before we do. We kind of left it a mess, and I don't want Toadette to think that Goomba's been here."

"Good point."

Mario and Luigi immediately cleaned up, putting Toadette's house back the way they found it. He and Luigi then left to return to Peach's castle, but before they did, they found a note taped to Toadette's door. Mario took it, and read it.

"Dear Pipe Pests," he said, "don't think you can keep me away from my little pookie-wookie."

"Oh brother, the names he comes up with," Luigi said, rolling his eyes. "Mama mia!"

"Yeah, _tell_ me about it!" Mario shouted. Then he continued reading the note. "She _will_ be mine, and there's nothing the two of you can do about it. I will come for her in the night, when you least expect it. She is mine, and mine alone."

"Oh no!" Luigi shouted.

"You took the words right outta my mouth, bro," Mario said. "Come on! We've got to to get back to Peach's castle right away!"

Within minutes, the Mario Bros. returned to Peach's castle, and reported on what they found in Toadette's house.

"Hidden cameras?!" Toadette shouted. "Oooohhh . . . . I hope one wasn't in the bathroom!"

"No, they were only in the living room, the kitchen, the bedroom, and the backyard," Mario said. "But I have a feeling the Goomba was there while we were looking for them, because we found this note on the door."

Toadette took the note, read it, and then began shaking.

"He's . . . . he's gonna . . . ." she stammered. "He's gonna . . . . come for me . . . ."

The mere thought of Gruber coming for her in the middle of the night was too much for Toadette to handle, and she keeled over in a dead faint. Toad managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Whoa!" he shouted.

"Toadette!" Peach gasped.

The foursome did everything they could to wake Toadette up, but nothing worked. She was out like a light. Immediately, Peach called Dr. Toadley, while the boys took Toadette to one of the castle's guest bedrooms.

"Think she'll be okay?" Luigi asked.

"I hope so," Mario said, laying Toadette on the bed, and tucking her in.

"Boy, if I ever get my hands on that Goomba," Toad growled, "I'll turn him into piranha plant bait!"


	7. Helping Hands

When Toadette woke up, she found herself in a dark room, lit only by candles. She could hear creepy organ music playing. It was coming from down the hallway. Toadette followed it, out of curiosity. She could see a small light at the end of the hallway, and walked toward it. As she got closer, the light grew bigger, until she reached the end of the hallway. There, she saw a gigantic pipe organ being played by a Goomba wearing a black tuxedo and top hat. He turned around and grinned at Toadette. It was Gruber.

"Eeek!" Toadette screamed, and turned to run away, but before she could, a door slammed shut, and locked. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't open it.

"There's no escaping now, sugar lips!" Gruber shouted. "You're mine!"

"No! No!" Toadette shouted, trying desperately to get the door open. "I won't be yours, ever! Never ever, ever, ever!"

"Come along, my beautiful blushing bride-to-be," Gruber said. "It's time for our wedding!"

"Wedding?" Toadette asked, confused.

Suddenly, Toadette found herself in what looked like a church, filled to the brim with Bowser's minions. At the front of it all was a Koopa Troopa, wearing a clergy robe, standing next to Gruber, the groom. Toadette looked down, and noticed her appearance changed, too. Instead of her pink dress and red vest, she was now wearing a wedding gown and veil, and was carrying a bouquet of piranha plant buds. The organ began to play a sinister version of "Here Comes the Bride," and a group of Goombas began pushing Toadette down the aisle, despite her resisting.

"No!" she yelled. "No, I can't marry him! I _won't _marry him! I won't! No! No! _Noooooooooo_!"

Toadette let out a shrill scream, and bolted upright. She began to catch her breath, and look around. She was in a small, pink bedroom, with no windows. When she noticed this, she began to grow nervous, and clutched the pink comforter to her chest. Suddenly, she heard footsteps running toward the room. The door flung open, and the light came on, revealing Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Princess Peach, all looking a bit panicked.

"We heard a scream!" Toad shouted.

"What happened?" Mario asked.

"What's going on?" Luigi asked.

"Are you all right, Toadette?" Peach asked.

"Y-yes," Toadette said, a little uncertainly. "But . . . . what happened?"

"You fainted," Peach explained. "We brought you to one of the castle's guest rooms."

"We figured a room without windows would be best," Luigi said. "This way, that Goomba can't look in on you."

"You've been unconscious for the past two hours," Mario said.

"Two . . . . two hours?" Toadette asked. "I've been here all this time?"

"That's right," Mario said.

"Then . . . . then it was only a dream," Toadette said, heaving a huge sigh of relief, as she flopped down on the bed. "Oh thank goodness!"

"What was only a dream?" Toad asked.

"The Goomba was gonna force me to _marry_ him!" Toadette shouted, shuddering at the memory. Then she began crying again. "It was awful!"

"There, there," Peach comforted, as she took a wet washcloth and rubbed it against Toadette's forehead. "It was just a bad dream."

"Dr. Toadley was here earlier," Toad said. "He figured you passed out because of stress and anxiety. He said you'll be all right after some rest."

"I think it would be best if you stayed here at the castle for now," Peach said. "At least until we can figure out what to do about this Goomba."

"The trouble is we can't just flatten him," Mario said. "That never stops them permanently."

"And we can't arrest him, either," Luigi said. "How would we know if we got the right one? You know all those Goombas look alike. He doesn't really have anything that makes him stand out from all the other Goombas."

"I'll never get him out of my life!" Toadette wailed, and she started sobbing again.

"Yes you will," Mario said, gently patting her on the back. "We'll figure out something! Have I ever let any of my friends down before?"

"No," Toadette said.

"That's right!" Mario shouted. "And I don't plan to start now!"

"Thanks, Mario," Toadette said, sniffling.

"Now, then," Peach said, "you just lie there and get some rest, and I'll make you a nice cup of tea."

"And maybe some soup," Luigi suggested. "You should eat something."

Toadette nodded, and heaved a sigh. She wondered what she did to deserve such great friends.

Mario, Luigi, and Peach left the room, while Toad stayed behind with Toadette. There were two huge Toad guards standing on either side of the door.

"Now remember," Peach said to them. "Only Mario, Luigi, Toad, Dr. Toadley, and myself are allowed in this room. You are not to let anyone else in, without my permission. You are also not to leave your post. If you see any Goombas sneaking around this hallway, use the walkie-talkies I gave you to call for backup. Is that understood?"

"Yes, your highness!" the two guards shouted, saluting their princess.

"Very good," Peach said. "All the other guards have been informed of the situation, and two more will come relieve you in two hours. Thank you for being so understanding about this."

"It's our job, your highness," one of the guards said.

Peach nodded, and she and the Mario Bros. went to castle's kitchen. Mario and Luigi began preparing some noodle soup for Toadette, while Peach began making tea. She opened a small packet, and sprinkled the contents into a teacup, and started stirring it.

"What's that?" Luigi asked.

"It's a small sedative Dr. Toadley gave me," Peach explained. "He said it should help Toadette sleep. Better put some chicken and vegetables in that soup, Mario. She's going to need something more than just broth and pasta."

"Right," Mario said.

"What are we going to do about the party we were planning?" Luigi asked.

"We'll just have to wait and see," Mario said. "Since we planned for it to be next week, we'll see if Toadette is up to it. If she is, we'll go ahead as scheduled. If she isn't, we'll call up everyone we invited and tell them it's been postponed."

"Sounds good to me," Luigi said.

Meanwhile, in Neo Bowser City, Gruber was sitting in front of his TV, staring at the static that filled the screen. He was not a happy little Goomba. Since his cameras had been destroyed, he was unable to tune in to his "Toadette-Vision." He called Toadette's house several times a day, but nobody ever answered the phone. He went back to the house, and found she wasn't there. He even started staking out the castle, but decided against it when he kept seeing Mario whenever he looked into the windows.

"They're keeping her from me," he grumbled. "They're holding her against her will. They're brainwashing her. They're making her think she doesn't love me. I _know_ she loves me. I _must_ find a way to rescue her. But how?"

Gruber stood up, and began pacing back and forth. He knew he couldn't just storm Peach's castle. Mario was always there, and he'd be squashed before he got very far. Besides which, it would take him forever to search every room. And he also didn't have the patience to camp out on Toadette's lawn and wait for her to come back. He heaved a sigh, and turned to his autographed photo of Toadette.

"Don't worry, my pretty pink popsicle," he said. "Your Grubie-Woobie-kins will think of some way to rescue you!"

Gruber went back to pacing, until he suddenly remembered something. He still had his copy of the Official Bowser's Minions Phone Directory. He dug it out of a drawer, turned through the pages, picked up his phone, and, using a pencil in his mouth, dialed a number.

"I know just the person who can help me!" he shouted. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Hello?" the person on the other end asked.

"Hi, is this Kamek?" Gruber asked.

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Listen, buddy, how'd you like to make a few extra coins?"

"I'm listening."

Gruber smiled. His plan was simple. All he wanted Kamek to do was spy on Peach's castle for awhile, without being seen, and find out where Toadette was, and any other information he could dig up. He offered to pay him fifty coins up front, twenty coins per day, and another fifty when he delivered results.

"You got yourself a deal, buster!" Kamek shouted.

"Great," Gruber said. "Meet me at the Badlands Bar in Desert Land in an hour, and I'll give you your first fifty coins."

Kamek agreed, hung up, and immediately hopped on his broom. He found Gruber waiting for him outside of the bar with a bag of coins. Kamek took it, and immediately counted the coins before he did anything else.

"Okay, it's all here," he said. "Good."

"So how are ya gonna sneak inside the castle without being seen?" Gruber asked.

"The ol' Fly on the Wall routine," Kamek said. "They'll never notice a thing."

Kamek waved his wand, and turned himself into a fly (or rather, a fly with a Magikoopa's head). Then he flew directly to Peach's castle and got to work snooping. Nobody really noticed him, since he was the size of a fly. Anyone who did notice just took a couple of swats at him, though, like they did whenever any small flying insect flew into the palace.

By the end of the week, Kamek had learned everything he could, and he returned to Gruber at the Badlands Bar. Gruber was waiting for him, with a bag full of coins.

"What did you learn?" he asked.

"They're keeping that Toadette girl in a windowless room in the castle," Kamek said. "They did it so you wouldn't look into the windows on her. Said something about her being on the brink of a nervous breakdown."

"Of _course_ she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown!" Gruber shouted. "She's spent a week away from _me_, her one true love!"

"Yeah . . . . sure, whatever. Anyway, they're gonna have one of those party things they sometimes have in a couple of days. You know, the ones they have where they run around some board and collect stars. The ones they _never_ invite any of us to. She and the other Toad are gonna be the hosts. You could probably go crash this thing and see her then."

"Why not now? I'll go inside the castle, and whisk her away from the dark and dreary dungeon Princess Peach is keeping my succulent summer squash in!"

"Because there are two guards keeping watch at all times in front of her bedroom door. You'd be squished faster than a succulent summer squash before you even got in there!"

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. I guess we're gonna _have_ to crash the party."

"_We_?"

"Yeah, I know these parties of Mario's. There's always four players. I'm gonna get in that game, and I'm gonna need your help doing it!"

"I don't know about that . . . . ."

"I'll pay extra."

"Let's go crash a party!"

Since Gruber couldn't shake hands with Kamek on the deal, Kamek had to shake his foot.


	8. Let the Game Begin

Two days later, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Toadette were gathered in front of Peach's castle, ready to start their party. They had invited Princess Daisy, Yoshi, Rosalina, Wario, Waluigi, Donkey Kong, and Diddy Kong to the event. Mario, Luigi, and Peach were mingling with their guests. Toad and Toadette were standing on a stage, adjusting their bow ties, getting ready to start the party. On the stage were four raised platforms in four different colors (red, blue, green, and yellow) a wheel with three different pieces on it, and a lottery machine filled with ping pong balls. Each ping pong ball had each guest's personalized emblem on it. Gruber and Kamek were hiding behind a nearby tree.

"So how are we gonna do this?" Kamek asked.

"I've seen these things," Gruber said. "They're gonna pick four players at random. We'll take the place of one of them."

"Which one?"

"I don't know yet. Let's wait and see who they're gonna pick."

Kamek nodded. It was about all he could do.

Toad cleared his throat, and he and Toadette stepped to the edge of the stage.

"Attention everybody!" he called out. "Welcome to our Super Mario Party! Now since you've all been to these parties before, you all know the rules."

"Four players are chosen at random," Toadette said, "and these four players will take turns rolling dice, and moving around the board. The goal of the game is to collect as may stars as you can."

"Toadette will be on the board, holding the stars," Toad said. "Each star costs ten coins. Once a star has been purchased, Toadette will move to another space on the board."

"Why?" Waluigi asked.

"To keep things interesting," Toad said, shrugging.

"Sounds stupid to me," Waluigi said again.

"_Every_thing sounds stupid to you," Daisy said, rolling her eyes.

"The player with the most stars is the winner," Toadette said. "Are you ready?"

Everyone shouted in the affirmative, and Toad and Toadette turned on the lottery machine. The first ping pong ball that came up had a red M on it.

"Player number one is Mario!" Toad shouted.

"It figures," Wario grumbled. "Mario's _always_ first."

"He always wins, too," Waluigi grumbled. "This game is fixed!"

"Oh, hush!" Rosalina shouted, giving Waluigi a bop on the noggin with her wand.

Toad and Toadette ignored everything that was going on in the audience. The next ping pong ball that came up had a gold crown with two blue gems and one red gem on it.

"Player number two is Princess Peach!" Toadette shouted.

Most of the audience applauded and cheered. Wario and Waluigi booed. Everyone else ignored them. Toad activated the machine again, and the next ping pong ball had a green L on it.

"Player number three is Luigi!" he shouted.

"Boooooooo! Hissssss! Boooooo!" Waluigi shouted.

"Knock it off, Waluigi," Mario warned. "Unless you're looking for a fat lip!"

"It would go beautifully with his fat head," Daisy quipped.

Waluigi gave Daisy a dirty look, and watched the ping pong balls fly around the lottery machine, waiting for the last one to come up. When it did, Toadette took it, and looked at the emblem. It had a yellow flower with a green center on it.

"Our fourth and final player is," she said, "Princess Daisy!"

"Oh yeah!" Daisy shouted, pumping her fist into the air.

The rest of the guests applauded, and Wario and Waluigi skulked away. Being the sore losers that they were, they weren't going to hang around and watch, since they weren't chosen to play. The others just let them go. They were used to this kind of behavior from them.

"Okay, everybody," Toad said, walking over to the wheel. "Time to spin the wheel to see what board we'll be playing on! Toadette, will you do the honors?"

"Okay!" Toadette shouted, and she gave the wheel a good, hard spin. It turned for several revolutions before it finally stopped on a picture of a pineapple.

"The board we'll be playing on today is Megafruit Paradise!" she shouted.

"Wahoo!" Mario shouted, jumping up happily. "I was hoping for that one!"

"So was I," Gruber said.

"Why?" Kamek asked.

"That board has four separate islands," Gruber explained. "One of 'em is a hollowed out, fake watermelon. We can hide our target in there, and no one will know."

"Yeah, great. But which one are we gonna replace?"

"Hmmm . . . ."

Gruber watched, as everyone left in order to head toward the board. Toadette stayed behind for a moment or so. She was looking a little nervous. Luigi noticed this, and walked up to her.

"Toadette?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Toadette said. "Just a little nervous, that's all. I have an icky feeling that Goomba might show up."

"Well, if you don't feel up to this, we can always postpone the party. Or get another Toad to take your place."

"No, I'm fine. I can handle it."

"You sure? I wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't want to do."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay. But if you do feel like you can't handle it any time during the game, let one of us know, okay?"

"Okay, Luigi. And thanks."

Toadette gave Luigi a big hug, and the two of them followed the others to the Megafruit Paradise board. As they were walking, Toadette suddenly stopped, and turned to Luigi.

"Ummm, Luigi?" she asked, a little apprehensively. "Do you think you could do something for me?"

"Sure, Toadette," Luigi said. "What is it?"

"Would you . . . . hold my hand until we get to the board?"

Luigi smiled, and took Toadette's hand. Toadette sighed with relief, and the two friends went to catch up with the others. Gruber saw the whole exchange, and seethed. He turned beet red, and burst into flames.

"_HOW DARE HE_?!" he bellowed. "How _dare_ that wrench jockey steal _my_ girl?! Ooohhhh, I'll get him for this! I'll make him pay!"

"I take it we've chosen a target?" Kamek asked.

"You bet we have!" Gruber said. "Come on! We've got to get to him before the game starts!"

Kamek and Gruber jumped on Kamek's broom, and zoomed over to the board before the others could get there. They had to figure out how they were going lure Luigi away from the others. Gruber immediately spotted something at the starting place. There were eight dice laying there. Four of them were standard dice in different colors, and the other four were custom dice, created especially for Mario, Peach, Luigi, and Daisy.

"Perfect!" Gruber said, kicking a green die, and balancing it on his head. "Come on! We'll take this, and wait for Green Stache to come looking for it!"

"I don't know if this is such a good idea after all," Kamek said. "You know Mario's very protective of his brother, and . . . ."

"His brother happens to be a home wrecker! Now come on! You wanna get paid, or not?"

Kamek sighed, and followed Gruber to a spot close to the watermelon island, but far enough away so they wouldn't be seen. Now all they had to do was wait.

Shortly afterwards, Mario, Peach, Luigi, and Daisy took their places on the starting space, while Toad took his place on the judge's stand, and Toadette stood on a podium on a random spot on the board.

"Are we ready to begin?" Toad asked.

"Wait a minute!" Luigi called out. "I'm missing my custom dice block!"

"That's weird," Toad said. "I told Norman to get the dice blocks ready when we had the four players chosen!"

"Maybe he forgot," Toadette said, shrugging.

"Hey Norman!" Toad called out to a yellow Toad. "You forgot Luigi's custom die!"

"No I didn't!" the yellow Toad shouted. "I put it there!"

"Well it's not here now!" Toad shouted. "And I doubt it grew legs and walked away!"

"Don't look at me," Norman said. "I _know_ I put it there!"

"Never mind," Luigi sighed. "I'll go look for it. Maybe Wario or Waluigi took it as a joke or something."

"Okay, but hurry up, bro," Mario said. "We're almost ready to start."

Luigi nodded, and went looking for his dice block. It didn't take him long before he spotted it next to the giant watermelon.

"Here it is," he said. "How did it get all the way over . . . ."

Before Luigi could finish his sentence, he was grabbed from behind, and a wet rag was pressed against his nose and mouth. He let out a scream, but it was muffled, and he was unable to break away from his assailant. Suddenly, he began to feel sleepy. He fought against the feeling, but it was quickly overcoming him. Still, he kept fighting against it.

"This is taking too long!" Kamek shouted. "Do something, will you?! This was _your_ idea!"

"Oh, fine," Gruber grumbled. Luigi looked up, and saw the Goomba walking up to him, and he looked extremely mad.

"This is for trying to steal my girl, Green Stache!" he shouted.

"_Hmmph_?!" Luigi shouted. Before anything else could happen, Gruber jumped into the air, and used his head to smack Luigi directly in the forehead, leaving the plumber seeing stars.

"Mmmmph . . . ." he mumbled. Finally, the chloroform took effect. He went completely limp, and lost consciousness.


	9. Goomba Gamer

Mario, Peach, Daisy, and the two Toads were beginning to get a little impatient waiting for Luigi to return. He was taking far too long trying to find a dice block.

"I'm gonna go see what's taking him so long," Mario said.

"No need," a voice said.

Everyone turned, and saw Gruber coming up to the board, balancing a brown dice block on his head.

"Oh no!" Toadette shouted. "It's him!"

"All Goomba's may look alike, but I doubt Toadette will ever get any of them mixed up with one that's stalking her," Toad said.

"What are you doing here, Goomba?" Mario asked.

"I'm here to take your brother's place," Gruber said. "I brought my own dice block, too!"

"_What_?!" Toadette shrieked.

"Yeah," Gruber said. "He sent me."

"I highly doubt Luigi would do _that_," Peach said, eyeing Gruber suspiciously.

"Forget it, Goomba," Mario said. "We don't allow any of Bowser's minions to play in these party games!"

"But I'm not Bowser's minion anymore!" Gruber argued. "He gave me the boot about a month ago! Wanna see my pink slip?"

Out of thin air, the Goomba produced a pink slip, and handed it to Mario. He looked at it, and gave it to Peach.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"Looks authentic to me," Peach said. "I recognize Bowser's handwriting. And I _do_ believe he would fire a Goomba for incompetence."

"I guess," Mario said. "But I still don't trust him."

"Me neither," Daisy said. "Let's go get the ping pong ball machine, and draw another name out of it. That's the only fair thing to do in this situation."

"No!" Gruber said, jumping in front of Mario. Then he got down on his knees, and began kissing Mario's boots.

"Please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-pleee-heee-heee-_heeeeeeze_ let me plaaaayyyyy!" he begged. "I'll behave myself! I promise! I won't lie, I won't cheat, I won't steal, I won't do anything mischievous like we Goombas are known to do! Please, please, please, please, let me play! Please, please, _pleeeeeeeeeeeze!_"

"All right! All right, already, you can play!" Mario shouted. "Just stop that! I can't stand to see a grown Goomba grovel! And remember, I'm gonna keep my eyes on you!"

"Fair enough," Gruber said. Then he walked to the starting space on the board, but not before giving Toadette a wink, and making clicking noises at her.

"Hello, my little snickerdoodle-doodle-doo," he said. "My little snookie-ookie-wookie-pookie-poo! How's about giving Daddums a great, big kiss?"

"Ooooh!" Toadette shuddered, clapping her hands over her mouth. "I think I threw up in my mouth a little!"

"Mario, how can you let him play?" Peach asked. "This is liable to send poor Toadette completely over the edge!"

"I know, but I couldn't take his begging any longer," Mario said. "He was slobbering all over my shoes. Besides, I'm gonna watch him closely. The minute he steps out of line, he's pizza."

"I still don't like it," Daisy said. "Hey, Goomba! Where _is_ Luigi, anyway?"

"Oh . . . ." Gruber said, with a sneaky look on his face. "He's a little . . . . tied up for the moment."

Truer words have never been spoken by a Goomba. Indeed, Luigi was a little tied up at the moment. Literally. By this time, Luigi was beginning to regain consciousness, and found himself in a dark room, laying on the floor, bound and gagged. He looked around, wondering where in the world he was, and what was going on. The last thing he remembered was being grabbed, and knocked out. He struggled a bit, trying to get himself loose, but he was tied too tightly. However, he wasn't completely helpless. He managed to push himself towards one of the walls, and roll over onto his back. Then, he began kicking at the walls as hard as he possibly could, and screaming as loudly as he could. His screams were muffled by the gag, but he figured he might be able to get someone's attention, anyway.

Luigi happened to be in luck. Mario, Peach, Daisy, and Gruber had just finished their first mini game in their party, when they began to hear a banging noise coming from the watermelon island.

"What in the world is _that_?" Peach asked.

"Uhhhh, fruit flies!" Gruber shouted, quickly.

"Fruit flies?" Daisy repeated. "Making _that_ much noise?"

"They're fruit flies on steroids," Gruber said.

"I don't buy that," Toad said, giving Gruber a look.

"I'll tell you guys what, I'll check it out!" Gruber shouted, and he beat a hasty retreat. The others looked at each other. There was no way they were buying this at all.

Gruber ran to Kamek, who was keeping watch at a door they created on the side of the watermelon island. Actually, he was sitting in front of the door, asleep.

"Wake up, you wonky wizard!" Gruber hissed, kicking Kamek in the side of the head. "Green Stache woke up!"

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Kamek asked.

"Here, give him one of these," Gruber said, taking a very small object out of a bag. It was a mushroom. It looked like a 1-up mushroom, but it was smaller, it didn't have eyes, and it had a black cap, with neon red spots on it. Kamek got one look at it, and nearly had a heart attack.

"A _Black Widow_ mushroom?!" he gasped. "Are you out of your mind?! This is the most deadly fungus in the entire Mushroom Kingdom! Princess Peach had these banned a long time ago! Where did you even get it?!"

"The black market, where else?" Gruber said.

"Do you realize what these can do to Green Stache? If Mario finds out about this, he'll make cream of Goomba soup out of you! With Kamek sauce on the side!"

"I did my research! One Black Widow isn't gonna kill him! It's just gonna make him sick! Hopefully, it'll be enough to knock him out for awhile! Now let's go in there and give it to him!"

Kamek sighed, and walked inside of the watermelon. When Luigi saw him and Gruber coming, he immediately stopped banging his feet against the wall.

"Okay, Green Stache, cut it out," Gruber said, giving Luigi a kick in the stomach. "Look, Kamek and I have something _special_ for you!"

Kamek held up the mushroom. Once Luigi saw the color scheme, he gasped, and tried to back away from Kamek, but he didn't get very far. The Magikoopa grabbed Luigi by the front of the shirt, pulled him into a sitting position, and removed his gag for the moment. Luigi decided to take advantage of the situation.

"MAAAARRRIIIOOOOO!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Help! Mari—"

"Oh no you don't!" Kamek shouted, forcing the mushroom into Luigi's mouth. He then covered the plumber's mouth with his hand, to prevent Luigi from spitting it out.

Luigi tried to get the lethal mushroom out of his mouth, but he had no choice but to chew it up and swallow it. Unlike most poisonous mushrooms, the Black Widow began to take effect immediately. Luigi grew dizzy, and he felt sick to his stomach. Kamek tied the gag back over Luigi's mouth, and tightened it. He also tightened the ropes binding him.

"That should hold you for awhile," he said. "Believe me, buddy, it isn't _my_ idea to use the Black Widow on you! Not even _Lord Bowser_ would use it on somebody! So . . . . don't hold it against me if your big brother finds out, okay?"

"Mmmmph . . . ." Luigi moaned, weakly, and then fell unconscious.

"Okay, good, he's out," Gruber said. "I gotta get back to the game before someone comes looking for me. See ya!"

Kamek nodded, then went back outside of the watermelon to watch the rest of the game. Both he, and Gruber, hoped nobody had heard Luigi yell for help, but his hoping turned out to be futile. Everybody on the game board heard it.

"What was that scream?" Peach asked, once Gruber returned.

"What was what scream?" Gruber asked, playing dumb.

"That blood curdling shriek we heard about a minute ago," Daisy said.

"Yeah, it sounded a _lot_ like Luigi," Mario said, giving Gruber the "evil eye."

"I didn't hear anything," Gruber said. "I think you're imagining things. Come on, let's get this show on the road! We've still got nine more turns to go through! Stars are a-waiting!"

"I'm warning you, Goomba," Mario said, "if I find out you've done something to my brother, it's going to end very badly for you."

"I'm _shocked_ you would even suggest that, sir!" Gruber shouted. "Do I look like a person who would intentionally _hurt_ someone? On second thought, don't answer that. Come on, let's get rollin'!"

Gruber kicked his custom dice block into the air, balanced it on his head, and began doing a little dance, while heading back to his spot on the board.

"Rollin', rollin', rollin'," he sang. "Keep them dice blocks rollin'. Boom chicka boom chicka boom boom boom!"

The others sighed, and went back to the game. It was about all they could do. Mario kept his eyes on the Goomba at all times. He didn't really care about picking up stars at this point. On the third roll, Gruber wound up rolling the exact number he needed to end up on the star space, much to Toadette's horror.

"Hiya, gorgeous," he said, waving his eyebrows up and down.

"Ew," Toadette shuddered. Then she heaved a sigh. "Okay, here's your star."

"Forget about the stars, baby! How's about a little kissy-poo?"

Gruber puckered his lips, and began making kissing noises. Toadette was so grossed out, she shoved the star into Gruber's mouth.

"Just take the star and go!" she shouted, impatiently.

Gruber paid his ten coins for the star, and went shuffling along, as Toadette floated to another space on the board, far away from Gruber. Gruber then shouted something nobody was able to understand.

"What did he say?" Peach asked.

"I _ehd_ geh ih ig ow a eye ow!" Gruber shouted.

"I think he said get this thing out of my mouth," Daisy said.

"Oh," Mario said. "No problem. I can handle that."

Mario walked over to Gruber, and pounded him on the head with his fist as hard as he could. The star popped out of Gruber's mouth, but it also left Gruber seeing stars.

"Thanks," he said, dazedly. "I think."

"Happy to help," Mario said.

Gruber growled at Mario, and the game went on. It was pretty uneventful. Mario was making a clean sweep of the mini games, and he, Daisy, and Gruber were in a three way tie, with one star apiece, while Peach managed to collect two stars along the way. Though it became apparent to everyone Gruber was not interested in collecting stars. He was more interested in getting close to Toadette. And she definitely wanted nothing to do with this Goomba!

* * *

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Greenwood Forest is something I came up with. I couldn't think of a better name, and I really couldn't find anything equivalent to what I wanted from researching locations in various Super Mario games. The Black Widow mushroom is also something I created (well, it was a joint creation between me and my sister)._


	10. Mad Mario

Gruber began to feel like everything was running smoothly. At least, until the end of the fifth mini game. Just as the coins were dealt out, a strange moaning sound came from the watermelon. And it was definitely hard to ignore, because Peach, Mario, and Toadette were all standing on it.

"What in the world is _that_?!" Peach asked.

"I told you," Gruber said, as another moan was heard. "It's just fruit flies!"

"I've never heard fruit flies moan like that before," Peach said. "Matter of fact, I've never heard fruit flies moan, period!"

"They . . . . uhhh . . . . they probably just ate too much of this watermelon," Gruber said.

"This isn't even a real watermelon," Mario pointed out.

"Well, see?" Gruber said. "No wonder they've got a belly ache! Heh, heh, heh. Ehhhhh . . . ."

"I think there's something inside that watermelon," Daisy said. "I highly doubt it's fruit flies making moaning noises like _that_!"

"You may be right," Gruber said. "And out of the goodness of my heart, I'll go check out what it is! After all, we wouldn't want you pretty princesses to break your perfectly manicured little nails, now would we? Ah hah hah hah!"

With that, Gruber zoomed off the board, and ran around to the back of the island.

"What's the matter _now_?!" he demanded.

"I knew we shouldn't have given him that mushroom," Kamek said. "It only knocked him out for a little while, and now that he's awake, he's feeling the effects of it! He'll probably be moaning like that for the rest of the day."

"We gotta shut him up somehow . . . . . give him another Black Widow."

"_What?!_"

"You heard me! Give him another Black Widow!"

"You gotta be kidding me! One Black Widow is bad enough, but if you give him two . . . . that's likely to _kill_ him!"

"I knooooowwwww . . . ."

Kamek began to get nervous at the sneaky, sinister smile on Gruber's face. He looked at the second Black Widow Mushroom in his hand, but he was a bit hesitant to do anything with it.

"I'm not so sure about this . . . ." he said. "Couldn't I just crack him over the head with my wand or something?"

"No! You give him that mushroom! It _has_ to be the mushroom!"

"But why?"

"He deserves it! He tried to come between me and my little honey-wunny-bumpy-wumpy-pumpy-umpy-umpkins!"

"Seriously? I think you've just gone off the deep end, fella."

"Never mind! Just get in there, and give. Him. That. _Mushroom!_"

"Okay, it's your funeral."

Kamek shrugged, and opened the watermelon's door. Gruber followed him inside, to make sure he did the job. They found Luigi curled up on the floor, moaning and writhing in pain. His stomach was killing him, and he had one heck of a headache. His face was flushed with fever, and he was sweating profusely. Kamek approached him, and removed the gag from Luigi's mouth. Luigi looked up at Kamek, breathing heavily. His eyes were watering, and glassy looking. He was too weak to yell for help.

"P-please," he begged. "Please . . . . let me go . . . ."

"Shut up!" Gruber growled, kicking Luigi in the stomach. Luigi cringed, and moaned in pain. It was bad enough his stomach hurt from being force fed a deadly mushroom, now he had to put up with this.

"You'll pay for trying to steal my girl, Green Stache!" Gruber shouted.

"But I'm _not_ trying to steal your girl!" Luigi protested. "We're just friends! Besides, Toadette isn't even your girl to begin with!"

"Shut up!" Gruber kicked Luigi in the stomach for a second time. Luigi couldn't stand much more of this.

"Toadette is _mine_, and mine alone!" Gruber shouted. "I _will_ have her all to myself, even if I have to kidnap her to do it! I'm going to whisk her away to a place far from here . . . . far, _far_ away, where _nobody_ will ever find us, and we will live happily ever after! Kamek! Give him the mushroom!"

"N-n-no . . . . please . . . ." Luigi begged, almost in tears. "I'm begging you . . . . no . . . ."

Kamek bit his lower lip, trying to decide what he should do next. The Mario Bros. were not two of his favorite people in the world, but after seeing the state Luigi was in, he just couldn't bring himself to administer another deadly mushroom to the plumber.

"I can't do it," he sighed. "Why don't you do your own dirty work?"

"Because I don't have hands, stupid!" Gruber shouted. "I couldn't give him that mushroom if I wanted to! And I _do_ want to! So give it to him, or else you won't get paid!"

"No! Not even Lord Bowser would go this far! If memory serves, he's banned Black Widow Mushrooms in his kingdom, too, and anyone caught using them . . . ."

"Do it, or I'll _tell_ Lord Bowser about this! And I'll tell him it was _your_ idea, too!"

Kamek gulped, and pulled Luigi into a sitting position. Then he took the Black Widow Mushroom, opened Luigi's mouth by applying pressure to his jaw, put the mushroom in, and closed the plumber's mouth. He also covered Luigi's mouth to make sure the Black Widow would stay in. He would have liked to let Luigi spit it back out, but Gruber was watching him like a hawk. Luigi tried to fight against it, but he was much too weak to do much, except chew and swallow the mushroom. Immediately, the room began spinning, and his stomach felt like it was going to explode. With a long, pitiful sounding moan, he passed out.

"Good," Gruber said. "That should do it. But gag him anyway, just in case he wakes up again before the poison kicks in."

"Fine," Kamek said, tying the gag back over Luigi's mouth. "But from here on out, you're doing your own dirty work!"

"Fine with me. I don't need you anymore, anyway. Once the game is over, I'm taking my little tutti-frutti-cutie-patootie to Greenwood Forest. Nobody will ever find us there! Not even Mario!"

Kamek snatched the bag of coins Gruber had brought with him, checked it to make sure there weren't any Black Widow Mushrooms in it, then jumped on his broom, and flew off, heading back to Bowser's castle. Gruber didn't care one way or another. He just kicked the door shut with his foot, and went back to the game board.

"What took so long?" Daisy asked.

"I had to use the little Goomba's room," Gruber said, shrugging. "You know how it is when you have a couple of seven bean burritos for lunch!"

"Yeah, unfortunately we do," Toad said. "Especially if Wario's around."

"What turn are we on?" Gruber asked.

"Seventh," Toad said. "We're in the homestretch."

"I'm getting a bad feeling all of a sudden," Mario said, a bit nervously.

"I wouldn't worry," Daisy said. "Peach is still in the lead. What's the worst that could happen if that Goomba wins?"

"This isn't about the game, Daisy," Mario said. "I just got this icky feeling in the pit of my stomach . . . . Goomba, where _is_ Luigi?"

"I told you already," Gruber said. "He's all tied up at the moment. Heh, heh, heh."

"I _really_ don't like the way you said that, Goomba," Mario said.

"Come on, you guys!" Toadette shouted. "Let's just finish the game so we can get rid of this Goomba!"

Gruber just looked at Toadette, and smiled at her.

"You know you love me," he said. "Why fight it?Embrace it, and come give your li'l sugar-lumpy-lumpkins a great big ol' smoochy smooch!"

"Ew, gross!" Toadette grimaced.

"All right, that's enough," Peach said. "Let's continue this game."

"So who wants to go continue?" Gruber asked, inching closer to Toadette. "I don't have enough coins for a star, and I'm right where I wanna be."

Gruber growled a bit at Toadette, waving his eyebrows up and down, and giving her a sneaky look. He began nuzzling up to her, and no matter how hard Toadette tried to push him away, the Goomba kept cuddling up.

"Ooooohhhh . . . ." Toadette moaned. "I think I need an adult . . . ."

"I _am_ an adult," Gruber said, sneakily.

"MARIOOOOOOO!" Toadette shrieked. Immediately, Mario ran over, jumping on top of Gruber, and flattening him.

"Knock it off, Goomba!" he shouted. "Or else I'm gonna do something worse than just stomp on you!"

"Right," Gruber said in a strained voice, immediately backing away from Toadette.

Gruber popped back into his original position, and the group continued the game. However, it wasn't going to last much longer. At the beginning of the final turn, Luigi began to regain consciousness again, but he wasn't sure how long he was going to be able to remain that way. He could barely move, but he knew he had to try to get Mario's attention one more time. He knew his brother was above him on the watermelon's surface. He could hear him yelling at the Goomba. With all the strength he had left, Luigi thrust his legs behind him, and kicked at the wall as hard as he could. Mario and the others heard it, and they were positive it wasn't fruit flies making that noise.

"Okay, that does it," Mario said. "There's something underneath this watermelon, and I'm gonna find out what it is! Peach, Daisy, help me move this fruit bowl out of the way. We're gonna take apart the platform and see what's underneath."

"Right," Daisy said. She, Peach, and Mario removed the bowl of fruit, and began taking apart the plateau of the watermelon.

"You're just wasting your time!" Gruber shouted. "There's nothing under there!"

"Why are you so adamant about this watermelon, anyway?" Daisy asked. "You've been trying to keep us from checking out these weird noises coming from this thing all day!"

"Maybe he knows what's in there and _doesn't_ want _us_ to know," Toad said.

"Come on," Mario said. "Let's keep going."

Mario, Peach, and Daisy pried the last part of the plateau off the board, and looked inside the hollow shell. There they found Luigi, bound and gagged, and looking like death warmed over. Peach gasped, and covered her mouth with her hands. Daisy's eyes nearly popped out of her head, and her jaw nearly hit the floor. Luigi looked up at his friends, and moaned pitifully.

"_LUIGI!_" Mario shrieked.

Mario and the two princesses immediately jumped into the shell, and untied Luigi. They tried to get him to his feet, but he didn't have any strength left to stand. Peach and Daisy laid him flat on his back for the moment. Peach took her handkerchief and began wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Mario!" she gasped. "He's burning up!"

"His breathing doesn't sound too good, either," Daisy said, nervously.

"What happened, bro?" Mario asked. "Who did this to you?"

"The . . . . the Goomba," Luigi said, with as much strength as he could muster, which wasn't much.

"I _knew _he couldn't be trusted!" Daisy shouted.

"What did he do to you?" Mario asked Luigi.

Luigi coughed, and moaned, trying to answer his brother, but he just couldn't. He didn't have any strength left, and he passed out before he could even attempt to answer. Mario began to panic a little, but that feeling was replaced with anger when he saw Gruber out of the corner of his eye, trying to sneak away. Immediately, he jumped out of the watermelon shell, and blocked his path.

"Just where do you think _you're_ going?!" he demanded.

"I, uhh . . . . I think I hear my mother calling me," Gruber said, nervously. "Yep. Yep, she's calling me, all right. Coming, Mother!"

Gruber was about to take off, when Mario grabbed him, and picked him up. Even though he wasn't on the ground anymore, Gruber's feet were still spinning.

"Oh no you don't!" he shouted. "You're not going _anywhere_ until you tell me what you did to my brother!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gruber said. "I didn't do anything to him! It must have been some other Goomba! We all look alike, you know!"

Mario gave Gruber a hard glare, and growled at him. If looks could kill, Gruber would be one dead Goomba.

"Seriously, Mario, I'm innocent!" he shouted. "I didn't do anything! I swear!"

Mario started glaring daggers at the Goomba, and growled again, fiercer than before. Gruber could tell Mario was ready to kill somebody at this point.

"I mean, I mean, I mean . . . . ." he said, nervously. "Uhhh . . . . ummm . . . . I . . . . uhhhh . . . ."

Mario growled once more, even louder than the first two times, and gave Gruber a look that could melt steel. Steam was practically coming out of his ears. Nervously, Gruber gulped. It was definitely time to come clean.

"Okay! Okay!" he shouted. "I gave him a couple of mushrooms!"

"Mushrooms?" Mario asked. "What _kind_ of mushrooms?"

"Uhhh . . . . uhhh, I gotta go now!" Gruber shouted, and he started to run off. Before he could, Mario grabbed him by his neck.

"I _said_ what kind of mushrooms!" he shouted.

"Let go!" Gruber shouted. "You're choking me!"

"Not until you tell me what kind of mushrooms you gave him!"

Gruber bit his lower lip, and looked away. He was determined to keep his mouth shut for as long as he could. Mario, however, would not take his silence for an answer.

"What kind of mushrooms?!" he repeated, as he started to shake the Goomba back and forth as hard as he could. "If you don't tell me what you gave my brother, so help me, I'm gonna . . . ."

"Okay! Okay!" Gruber shouted. "I gave him two Black Widows!"

"_What_?!" Daisy screamed.

"Oh no!" Peach gasped.

"Not Black Widows!" Toad shouted.

Mario gasped, and dropped Gruber to the ground. He practically felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. He stood there in shock for a moment. It was about all he could do.

"Well, he was asking for it, anyway!" Gruber shouted. "He was trying to steal _my_ girl! He had the _nerve_ to hold hands with her! He deserved it! He _deserves_ to _die_!"

Mario recovered from the shock the minute he heard Gruber say _that!_ He glared at Gruber even more harshly than before (if that was even possible), and growled loudly. His face was almost as red as his shirt, and steam came out of his ears. His teeth and fists were both clenched about as hard as they could possibly be clenched. This Goomba had just crossed a very fine line, as far as Mario was concerned.

"I'm outta here!" Gruber shouted, and he took off running immediately.

"Come back here, you rotten little fungus!" Mario shouted, chasing after him. "When I get my hands on you, there's gonna be nothing left but a pair of shoes!"

Gruber knew he wouldn't be able to out run Mario. And as mad as the plumber was, he knew he was going to be flattened into a Goomba pancake (and then some!) if he caught up to him. But then he remembered he was still carrying a star from the game. He took it out, and flung it at Mario. It hit the plumber directly in the face, causing him to fall backwards. He wasn't hurt, just slightly dazed.

"Whoo ha ha ha ha!" Gruber laughed, making a clean getaway.

Mario was about to get up and run after Gruber, but he changed his mind when he remembered Luigi's condition, and the fact he had been force fed one of the most deadliest types of mushrooms known in the Mushroom Kingdom. But he still had a couple of final words for the Goomba.

"Yeah, you _better_ run!" he shouted, shaking his fist. "Because if I _ever_ see you again, I'm gonna sauté you with onions and serve you as a steak dinner!"


	11. Toadnapped

Mario ran back over to the game board as fast as he could, but found it deserted when he got there, but he found a note pinned to the wall of the watermelon.

"Dear Mario," he read aloud. "Daisy, Toad, Toadette and I took Luigi to the hospital. Meet us there. Signed Peach."

Mario immediately dropped the note, and hightailed it to the Mushroom Kingdom Hospital as quickly as he could. When he got there, he found Peach, Daisy, Toad, and Toadette sitting in the waiting room of the emergency wing, nervously. At least the girls were sitting. Toad was pacing.

"Oh good," Toad said, once he saw Mario. "Now _you_ can pace the floor for awhile. I'm exhausted!"

"Where's Luigi?" Mario asked, worriedly.

"In an operating room," Daisy said. "When we said it was Black Widow mushroom poisoning, Dr. Toadley didn't waste any time."

"He and a couple of nurses are in there flushing out Luigi's system," Toad said.

"We're sorry we didn't wait for you, Mario," Peach said, "but Luigi just looked so awful, and since it _was_ Black Widow poisoning . . . ."

"I know, Peach," Mario said. "I understand. And I'm glad you didn't wait for me. It _was_ a life or death situation, after all."

"Do you think Luigi's gonna be okay?" Daisy asked.

"I sure hope so," Mario said. "Black Widows are one of the deadliest mushrooms that have ever been found here in the Mushroom Kingdom. I don't know how that Goomba got his hands on them."

"This is all my fault," Toadette said, as she began sniffling. "If I hadn't asked Luigi to hold my hand when we were on our way to the game board, that stupid Goomba wouldn't have tried to poison him!"

"Don't cry, Toadette," Peach said. "It's not your fault!"

"But it _is_ my fault!" Toadette cried. "None of this wouldn't even have happened if I hadn't attracted that Goomba's attention in the first place! I'm so sorry, Mario!"

Toadette buried her face in her hands, and burst into tears. Mario put his hand on her shoulder, pulled out his handkerchief, and handed it to her.

"Now, don't talk like that!" he shouted. "It is most certainly _not_ your fault! You didn't _ask_ the Goomba to be attracted to you! You told him to stop, but he didn't. It's the Goomba's fault, not yours!"

Toadette wasn't really convinced. Nobody anyone could say or do could convince her this wasn't her fault.

Time passed slowly in the waiting room. Minutes seemed like hours. Mario began pacing back and forth, growing more and more anxious by the second. He wanted to go into the examining room to see exactly what Dr. Toadley was doing, but he wasn't allowed. Even though Mario had the title of doctor, it was an honorary title, and the pills he had found wouldn't help in the situation, anyway. The only thing he could do was wait, and pace the floor like a wild animal in a cage.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Toadley finally came out of one of the rooms. The minute Mario saw him, he ran over to him, looking extremely nervous.

"Dr. Toadley!" he shouted. "How is my brother?"

"Stable," Dr. Toadley said. "We flushed out his system, and administered an antidote that has been known to counteract the Black Widow mushroom's poison, but it only works if you administer it to the victim in a certain amount of time after the initial poisoning. Thankfully, we got it to him in the nick of time. It's a good thing you brought Luigi in when you did, Princess. Any later, and it would have been too late. Since we got to him in time, he should make a full recovery."

"Whew!" Mario heaved an extremely deep sigh of relief, and relaxed a little. "Thank goodness! Where is he now?"

"ICU," Dr. Toadley said. "We're keeping your brother there until further notice, Mario. He may be in stable condition, and we _do _expect him to recover, but he's still very, very sick, and I'd like to keep him under observation for a couple of days."

"Can we go see him?" Peach asked.

"Follow me," Dr. Toadley asked.

The group followed Dr. Toadley to the elevator, and went up to the intensive care unit. He led them into a room, and Mario's stomach nearly dropped out once again, at the sight of his little brother, laying in the bed, unconscious. He had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, and was hooked up to several IV's, as well as couple of strange machines. His face was still flushed, and he was still sweating. Mario slowly walked into the room, and wiped some of the sweat away from his brother's forehead. His face fell when he realized Luigi was still burning up with fever. He sighed, and turned to Dr. Toadley.

"Would it be possible for me to stay with Luigi?" he asked. "Please, I _have_ to be with him. I don't want him to be left alone. Not in the condition he's in."

"Sure," Dr. Toadley said, nodding. He knew how devoted Mario was to his younger brother. Then he left to make his rounds.

Mario heaved a sigh, and put a cold compress against Luigi's forehead, in an attempt to bring his fever down. Toadette walked up to Mario, tentatively, and looked up at him.

"Mario . . . ." she said. "I . . . . I'm really sorry."

"What for?" Mario asked. "I told you before, Toadette, this is _not_ your fault. I don't blame you at all. Please believe me."

Toadette nodded, but for some reason, she just couldn't get it out of her head that this _was_ her fault.

"Come on, Toadette," Peach said, taking Toadette's hand. "Let's go back to the castle. I think Mario needs some time alone, and we can all use a little rest."

Toad and Daisy agreed. They said goodbye to Mario, and left the hospital, telling Mario that they would be back the next day.

By morning, Peach, Daisy, Toad, and Toadette returned to Mushroom Kingdom Hospital. They noticed Mario looked like a train wreck. He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. Luigi had kept him up all night, due to thrashing his head from side to side in his sleep, and moaning. Mario figured he was experiencing some type of fever-induced nightmare.

"Dr. Toadley did warn me Luigi might be experiencing symptoms of delirium because of the high fever," he explained to the others. "Not only that, but he's also been in and out of consciousness."

"Poor Luigi," Peach said. She pulled up a chair on the other side of Luigi's bed, sat down, and helped Mario apply cold compresses to Luigi's forehead.

"Mah . . . . Mario?" Luigi asked, stirring a bit.

"Yeah, bro," Mario said. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. What do you need?"

"Wh-where's . . . ." Luigi started, slowly opening his eyes about halfway. "Where's . . . . Toh . . . . Toadette?"

"Toadette?" Mario repeated. "She's right here. Toad, and Princess Peach, and Princess Daisy are here, too."

"Yeah, Luigi," Daisy said. "We came to see how you're doing."

"I n-need . . . . to make sure . . . . Toadette . . . . she . . . . she . . . ." Luigi said, but before he could finish, he passed out.

"There he goes again," Mario sighed, wiping Luigi's face and neck with a cold washcloth. "He's been talking about Toadette all night. But I can't figure out what he's trying to say."

"Tooooaaaadeeeeette . . . ." Luigi moaned, while turning his head from side to side.

"I'm right here, Luigi," Toadette said, grabbing Luigi's hand, and squeezing it. "Don't worry, I'm right here. It's okay."

Luigi relaxed, and gripped Toadette's hand. Toadette noticed his hand was hot and clammy, but she didn't let go of it.

"It's going to be okay, Luigi," she said. Luigi opened his eyes about halfway, and looked over at Toadette.

"P-please, Toadette," he said. "Please . . . . be careful."

"I will," Toadette said. "I'm always careful."

"I . . . . I know," Luigi continued. "But . . . . but I need you . . . . to promise . . . . please . . . . be extra careful . . . ."

"Okay, I promise. But why?"

"You . . . . you might be . . . . you . . . . could . . . . he . . . . he won't . . . . he . . . . he might . . . ."

"Who? Luigi, what are you talking about?"

"Please . . . . st-stay . . . . safe . . . ."

Luigi moaned, and passed out again, before he could explain any further. Mario heaved another sigh, and placed another cold compress on his brother's feverish forehead.

"Not again," Mario groaned. "I can't make heads or tails out of this. I wish I could."

"It sounds like he's trying to warn Toadette about something," Peach said.

"You think maybe it's about the Goomba?" Daisy asked.

"I doubt it," Mario said. "He was running so fast the last time I saw him, he's probably in the next county by now. I doubt he's gonna come back, because if he does, he's gonna be one dead Goomba!"

Hours went by. Luigi spent the bulk of the day thrashing in his sleep. Every now and again, he would yell something about Toadette. Unfortunately, his words were so cryptic, none of his friends could figure out what he was talking about.

"Mario . . . ." Luigi moaned. "Mariooooo . . . ."

"I'm here, Luigi," Mario said. "Just relax. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. Everything's all right."

"Mario, please," Luigi said, gripping his brother's hand. "Please, make sure Toadette is safe . . . ."

"Sure, bro," Mario said. "I promise, we'll keep Toadette safe."

"Yeah, she's right here," Toad said, pushing Toadette gently toward the bed. "Say something to him, Toadette."

"Yeah, Luigi, I'm okay," Toadette said.

"Good," Luigi said, heaving a relieved sigh. "Toadette, please . . . . stay with Mario. He . . . . he'll keep you safe . . . ."

"Yeah, sure, Luigi," Toadette said, patting the back of Luigi's hand. "Anything you want."

"Thank you," Luigi said, and he lapsed into unconsciousness again.

Mario heaved a sigh. It was about all he could do, other than continue to apply cold compresses, and try to keep Luigi calm when he started thrashing in his sleep.

Eventually, Toad and the two princesses left the hospital to get some rest, while Mario and Toadette stayed with Luigi. After all, Toadette promised to stay with Mario for the time being, even though Mario was positive there was absolutely nothing to worry about, and Mario wasn't about to leave Luigi's side any time soon. Toadette noticed every time she tried to leave the room for whatever reason, Luigi would get agitated, and start moaning, then begging her not to leave. It took both herself, and Mario, to calm him down when that happened.

By midnight, Luigi had finally stopped thrashing in his sleep, and had been sleeping peacefully for an hour, and Dr. Toadley had removed the oxygen mask. This seemed to calm Mario down, but he was still a bit concerned about his younger brother. While he and Toadette were keeping watch, a nurse came into the room.

"Excuse me," she said. "I don't mean to interrupt, but I have a message for Toadette."

"Thanks," Toadette said, taking the note. "Oh, it's from Captain Toad. I wonder how he knew I was here?"

"He probably called your house, and then called Toad when no one answered," Mario said, shrugging. "He probably told him you were here. What's he have to say?"

"Apparently, he was at the Mushroom Kingdom Public Library with the rest of the Toad Brigade earlier today," Toadette said. "They found a map hidden in a book, which leads to a secret treasure that can be found in Piranha Creeper Cove."

"Piranha Creeper Cove? Mama mia, that's _days_ from here!"

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, Captain Toad's note says he and the rest of the Brigade are waiting for me outside of the hospital. I'd better go."

Suddenly, Luigi's eyes popped open. He sat up so fast, he almost unplugged one of his IV's.

"No!" he shouted, grabbing Toadette's wrist. "Don't!"

"Luigi, calm down!" Mario shouted, as he tried to push his brother back down onto the bed.

"Yeah, Luigi," Toadette said. "It'll be all right. I'll be right back, I promise."

"No!" Luigi shouted, fighting against Mario. "No, Toadette, you can't! You can't go! Please!"

"It's okay, bro," Mario said, soothingly. "She's just gonna tell Captain Toad she's not going with him and the rest of the Toad Brigade on their next adventure. There's nothing to worry about."

"No, Mario! No!" Luigi shouted. "She can't! She just _can't!_ Please, Toadette, don't go! Don't leave!"

"Why not, Luigi?" Toadette asked.

"It . . . . . it might . . . . it might not be safe!" Luigi shouted, and he began hyperventilating. "Please . . . . please Toadette, don't!"

"Luigi, please, try to calm down!" Mario shouted. "You don't want that oxygen mask back on your face, do you?"

"Mario, don't . . . . don't let her go!" Luigi begged. "She can't! Please, don't let her go!"

"Don't worry!" Mario shouted, trying to get his brother to calm down. "I know I promised to keep Toadette safe, but she'll be fine! She's just going to see Captain Toad and the rest of the Toad Brigade! She'll be safe with them. Trust me. Now lie down, and relax. Everything's going to be all right, you'll see."

"No, Mario, no . . . ." Luigi said, starting to feel dizzy. "It . . . . it might be . . . . it might . . . . ohhhhhhh . . . . ."

Before he could finish his sentence, Luigi fainted. The nurse immediately ran out of the room to get one of the doctors on duty. Mario heaved a sigh, wrung out a washcloth, and pressed it against Luigi's forehead.

"I _knew_ that was gonna happen," he said.

"Poor Luigi," Toadette said.

"Look, Toadette, you go ahead and talk to Captain Toad. I'll take care of things here."

"Okay. If I'm not back in five minutes, just assume I decided to go with the Brigade for this one. And tell Luigi he doesn't have to worry, because I'll be safe with them."

"You got it."

Toadette nodded, and left the room, a bit worried about Luigi. She made up her mind to tell Captain Toad that she was not going with the Brigade on this adventure. Once she got outside the hospital, she stood at attention, and saluted.

"Ready for adventure, Captain Toad!" she shouted.

There was no response. As a matter of fact, there was no one around.

"Huh," Toadette said. "That's weird. The note said that Captain Toad and the rest of the Toad Brigade were going to meet me out here."

Toadette walked away from the hospital, looking for Captain Toad and the rest of the Toad Brigade, but she couldn't find them. As she continued searching, she was beginning to feel uneasy, as if she were being watched. She became even more certain of it when she saw a familiar looking shadow creep up behind her.

"Hello there, my precious pink princess," an all too familiar voice said. It was Gruber.

Toadette gasped, and was about to turn around and run, when a canister fell in front of her, releasing a thick, foul smelling gas. She coughed, and tried to wave it away, but it was too thick, and there was too much of it. Finally, she fell to the ground unconscious.

"Ha ha!" Gruber laughed, triumphantly. Then he flattened himself and scuttled underneath Toadette. He popped back into his normal shape, and was now balancing her on his head.

"Now, me proud beauty!" he shouted. "At last, you're mine, and no one will ever take you away from me!"

Gruber laughed hysterically, and ran off into the night, carrying Toadette with him.


	12. Finding Toadette

Peach, Daisy, and Toad returned to the hospital at seven in the morning. They found Luigi in somewhat of a state of distress, moaning and thrashing about. Mario was trying to calm him down.

"Mario, what's going on?" Peach asked. "Where's Toadette?"

"She got a message from Captain Toad around midnight," Mario explained. "She didn't come back, so she probably went with the Toad Brigade on their latest treasure hunt. Unfortunately, Luigi practically had a conniption when she left, and he hasn't snapped out of it yet."

"Captain Toad sending messages at midnight?" Toad asked. "That's not like him. He never stays up that late! Where did he say they were going?"

"Piranha Creeper Cove," Mario said.

"That's weird," Daisy said. "I heard the Toad Brigade cleared that area out a couple of weeks ago."

"Maybe something else was discovered," Mario said, shrugging.

"I'm getting a bad feeling about this," Toad said. "I'm gonna go over to Captain Toad's house and see if he's there. Something funny's going on, and I don't mean funny ha ha!"

Luigi began moaning and thrashing again. Immediately, Mario grabbed his brother's hand, and squeezed it, reassuringly.

"It's all right, bro," he said. "Everything's fine."

"Noooo . . . ." Luigi moaned. "It . . . . it can't be! The . . . . the Goomba . . . ."

"The Goomba?" Daisy asked. "What about the Goomba?"

"Won't . . . . give up," Luigi moaned. "He . . . . he won't . . . . give up . . . . Toadette . . . ."

"Luigi, calm down," Peach said, taking a cold cloth and pressing it against Luigi's forehead. "That Goomba is gone. Mario chased him away. He's not coming back."

"Nothing . . . ." Luigi moaned again. "Nothing . . . . will stop him . . . . he . . . . he said . . . . Toadette will be his . . . . even if he . . . . if . . . . he . . . ."

"Mario, I think he's trying to tell us something _really _important here," Daisy said.

"I think you're right," Mario said. "We _have_ to try to keep him awake so he can tell us. Luigi, what is the Goomba going to do? I know he said Toadette will be his, even if he has to do something. What is it he's going to do?"

"Toadette . . . . will be his . . . ." Luigi repeated. "Even if . . . . he . . . . if he . . . ."

"Go on, bro," Mario said. "If he what?"

"If . . . . he . . . ." Luigi said, drowsily. "If . . . . he . . . ."

"If he _what_?" Daisy asked, starting to get impatient.

"Come on, bro, don't pass out on us now!" Mario shouted. "What did the Goomba say to you before he gave you those Black Widow mushrooms?"

"He . . . . he said . . . ." Luigi said, struggling to remain conscious. "Toadette . . . . will be his . . . . even if . . . . if he had to . . . . k-kidnap her . . . ."

"What?!" Peach shouted.

"Oh, mama mia!" Mario shouted.

"But Mario chased him off," Daisy said. "Didn't you, Mario?"

"Of course I did," Mario said. "He ran so fast, it looked like he was never gonna come back!"

"Hey, you guys!" Toad shouted, running into the room, carrying a can of some kind. "You're never gonna believe what I found outside!"

"What, Toad?" Peach asked.

"Goomba tracks!" Toad shouted. "And I found this gas canister out there, too!"

"Let me see that," Mario said, taking the canister. He inspected it throughly, and then sniffed it. He flinched, and immediately threw the can across the room.

"What's the matter, Mario?" Daisy asked.

"Goomba Gas!" Mario shouted. "I'd bet my mustache on it!"

"Oh my!" Peach gasped. "Goomba Gas is one of the most powerful knockout gasses in the kingdom!"

"Luigi, think!" Mario shouted, turning to his semi-conscious brother. "Did that Goomba say where he was going to take Toadette?"

"I . . . . I don't know," Luigi said. "Just far . . . . far away . . . . where . . . . nobody will . . . . find them . . . ."

"That could be anywhere," Daisy said. "Luigi, do you have any idea where they could be? Did the Goomba give you any clues?"

"_Eeennnngghhh_ . . . ." Luigi groaned, struggling to stay awake. He felt like he was going pass out any second.

"Come on, bro, this is important!" Mario shouted.

"You just _can't_ faint! Not now!" Daisy shouted.

"Oh, come on, you two!" Peach scolded. "Poor Luigi's been through enough already! He needs to rest!"

"I know, Peach, but who knows what that Goomba has in mind for Toadette!" Mario shouted. "We can't waste time scouring the entire Mushroom Kingdom and the surrounding areas looking for her! It would take too long!"

"Yeah, she could be in _serious_ trouble!" Toad shouted. "This Goomba sounds like he's a couple of hundred bricks shy of a full load!"

"Come, on, Luigi," Daisy said. "Do you remember anything else while you were this crazy Goomba's captive?"

"Come on, bro, you can do it," Mario encouraged.

"Someone . . . . else . . . . was there . . . ." Luigi said. "The . . . . G-goomba had . . . . h-help . . . ."

"Who, Luigi?" Mario asked. "Who was it?"

"Kaaaa . . . ." Luigi said, fighting with all his might to stay awake. "K-kaaa . . . . meehhh . . . . meeeeekkkkk . . . ."

That was it. Luigi couldn't fight it any longer. He moaned, and passed out completely. It was going to be quite some time before he regained consciousness again.

"What did he say?" Toad asked.

"Sounded like he said Kamek," Mario said. "At least that gives us a clue."

"Yeah," Toad said. "Boy, wait'll I get my hands on that Goomba! I'll make mushroom stew outta him!"

"I'm going, too," Peach said.

"I don't think that's such a good . . . ." Mario started to say.

"Believe me, Mario," Peach interrupted, "in the mood I'm in right now, that Goomba won't _dare_ mess with me!"

"All right," Mario said. He was about to leave the hospital room, but stopped short. "Oh, wait a minute! I can't go! I don't want to leave Luigi alone like this!"

"Don't worry about that, Mario," Daisy said. "I'll take care of Luigi. You guys just go and take care of that Goomba!"

"Thanks, Daisy," Mario said, gratefully. "I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," Daisy said. "Now go, get out of here, already!"

Mario, Peach, and Toad then raced out of the hospital as fast as they could. At this point, every second mattered in finding Toadette. They didn't want to think about what that crazy Goomba was going to do to her.

Meanwhile, Toadette was beginning to wake up from her vapor-induced sleep. Her head hurt, and she felt a little queasy.

"Ooohhh . . . ." she moaned. "Where am I?"

"In paradise, my little kissable kumquat!" a familiar voice shouted

"_What_?!" Toadette yelled.

That was enough to snap her out of the haze she was in. She got a good look at her surroundings. She found herself in a dark, dank, and dreary cave. The only source of light were some candles. Even with the dim light, she could see quite a bit. She was laying on a bunch of satin pillows, and found herself wearing a poofy wedding gown and veil. Standing in front of her was Gruber, wearing a top hat and tails.

"Good morning, my luscious little lollipop!" he shouted. "Daddy's home!"

"Oooohhhhh noooooo!" Toadette moaned. "No, no, no, no!"

"Oh yes, yes, yes, yes! I won't allow anyone to take you away from me ever again, my love! You and I will be living here in our little love nest, forever. No one will ever come between us again. Now, how's about giving your little Goomby-Woomby a great big kissy-wissy?"

Toadette moaned, and tried to back away from the Goomba, but found herself cornered when she backed into the wall. However, she did manage to give Gruber a kick in the face before he could get his lips on her.

"You're _not_ my little Goomby-Woomby!" she shouted. "You're not my little _any_thing! And I am _not_ your luscious little lollipop! I will _never_ be yours, don't you understand that?! Never, never, never!"

"Oh, my poor little pink popover," Gruber sighed. "That stupid plumber and his friends must have brainwashed you into thinking you don't love me. But I know you do, my sweet snowdrop. You'll learn."

"Never!"

Gruber sighed. He figured Toadette was just being stubborn, but he just knew if she spent enough time alone with him, and got to know him, she would grow to love him just as much as he loved her.

"Can I ask you something?" Toadette asked.

"Anything, my little pigtailed petunia!" Gruber shouted.

"What am I doing in this dress?"

"Oh, that. Well, while you were asleep, I took the liberty of changing your clothes for you. It wasn't easy, considering I don't have any hands, but I managed to do it."

"You . . . . you changed my clothes for me . . . . while I was . . . ."

Toadette tensed up at that thought. She had been creeped out by Gruber's actions before, but now she was _really_ creeped out. The thought of the Goomba undressing her, with_out_ her consent yet, just made her skin crawl.

"Anyway, my little cuddle bunny," Gruber went on, "I _had_ to make sure you were properly attired. What's a wedding if the beautiful bride-to-be isn't wearing a beautiful white wedding gown?"

"Wedding?" Toadette asked.

"I have the license all ready. All you have to do is sign it, and once I get a preacher down here to make it official, we'll be Goomba and wife! Once we're married, we'll live happily ever after, forever and ever!"

"Forever and ever?"

"That's right, my tantalizing little tulip!"

Gruber smiled, and leaned in toward Toadette to kiss her, but she smacked him in the face as hard as she could.

"Stay away from me, you . . . . you Goomba!" she yelled. "I don't want to marry you!"

"Hmm, maybe you're right," Gruber said. "Maybe we _are_ taking things a little too fast. There really _should_ be time for a courtship. Very well. If it's a courtship my little persimmon wants, a courtship my little persimmon will get!"

"I don't want anything to do with you!" Toadette shouted. "I'm leaving right now!"

And with that, Toadette stood up, and headed for the entrance of the cave. Gruber just stood there, with a sly smirk on his face.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, honey," he said. "I forgot to mention, we're in Greenwood Forest. No one's been here for years, and it's _very_ easy to get lost in the woods around here, if you don't know where you're going. _Do_ you know where your going?"

Toadette heaved a sigh that could have been heard all the way to the other side of the earth. Gruber did have a point. Toadette didn't know Greenwood Forest at all, and she also knew she could easily get lost and never be heard from again if she tried to venture out there.

"No," she sighed in defeat.

"I thought so," Gruber said. "Now, you wait right here, my precious pearl. Daddums is going out, and when he comes back, he'll have some nice presents for his gorgeous little gumdrop! La, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaaahhhh!"

And with that, Gruber skipped out of the cave like a loon. Toadette sat down among the satin pillows, and stared up at the ceiling.

"Oooohhhh . . . ." she moaned. "Now what am I gonna do? If I don't find a way out of here, I'm gonna be the Bride of Goomba-stein!"

The mere thought of being Gruber's bride was enough to cause Toadette to burst into tears. She didn't know what else she could do.

Elsewhere, Mario, Peach, and Toad had arrived to Kamek's tower. Not one to waste any time, Mario kicked down the door, and stormed in, with Peach and Toad right behind him. Kamek heard them, and came flying down on his broom.

"You could've just knocked!" he shouted. "I may be old, but I'm not deaf!"

"You're gonna be _dead_ in a minute, bucko!" Mario shouted.

"My, aren't we testy today," Kamek said, sarcastically. "What do you want, anyway, plumber?"

"We know you force fed my brother Black Widow mushrooms! I want information!"

"Oh that. Well, I knew you'd find out about that sooner or later. What's it gonna take to get you to let me off easy?"

"Let you off easy?! Are you kidding me?!"

Kamek landed his broom, and dismounted. He flinched a bit at the death glare Mario was giving him.

"Yeah, I kinda had a feeling you'd say that," he said. "Listen, Mario. It was Gruber's idea! He _made_ me do it!"

"Oh yeah, like we've never heard _that_ one before!" Toad shouted, sarcastically.

"Look, it _wasn't_ my idea!" Kamek continued. "I swear! I was under the assumption that we were just gonna take your brother and hide him in that darn watermelon until you were done with that game you were playing, and then we'd let him go! If I had my way, I'd just hit him over the head with my wand to knock him out, but that stupid Goomba was dead set on killing him!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know that part already," Mario said. "That stupid Goomba confessed after we found Luigi. You're just lucky he's still alive, Kamek, or else I'd . . . ."

"Mario, please, calm down," Peach said. "I know you're upset about what happened to Luigi, but now is not the time for this!"

"You're right, Peach," Mario said, heaving a sigh, and trying to calm down.

"So did Gruber throw me under the bus when he confessed?" Kamek asked. "Or did Green Stache turn stool pigeon?"

"Watch it, Kamek," Mario warned. "You're in enough hot water as it is."

"Luigi managed to tell us that this Goomba was going to stop at nothing until he had Toadette," Peach explained. "Even if he had to kidnap her, which we think he did. Do you know where they are?"

"Well . . . ." Kamek said, thinking. "I _may_ know something about it . . . . but why should I help you?"

"I don't be_lieve_ this!" Toad shouted, smacking his hand against his head.

"Because that Goomba is extremely dangerous in the state of mind he's in," Peach said. "Toadette could be in serious danger if we don't find them! You saw what he did to Luigi, just because he thought he was coming between him and Toadette! Who knows what he'll do if Toadette rejects him one too many times!"

"Hmmm . . . ." Kamek said, thinking it over. "I don't know . . . . ."

"You'd _better_ tell us, Kamek!" Mario shouted, grabbing the Magikoopa by the collar. "Or else we'll tell Bowser that you were the one who poisoned Luigi with Black Widow mushrooms, which everyone knows very well are banned in both the Mushroom Kingdom, and Bowser's kingdom as well!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Kamek shouted. "I'll talk! Gruber said he was gonna take her to Greenwood Forest once that stupid party of yours was over! Whether or not he actually did, I don't know. I took off after I gave Green Stache the second mushroom."

"Greenwood Forest?" Toad repeated. "But that's not all _that_ far from here."

"No, but it _is _difficult to navigate through there," Mario said. "Not unless there's a warp pipe that leads there."

"I don't think there is," Peach said. "As far as I know, nobody's been in Greenwood Forest for years!"

"We'd better get started," Mario said. "If we get lucky, we'll be able to catch up with the Goomba, or find a warp pipe that leads there. Let's go!"

Immediately, Mario, Peach, and Toad ran out of Kamek's tower. Kamek heaved a sigh of relief.

"I thought that was going to be a lot worse," he said. Unfortunately, he spoke too soon. Mario suddenly turned around, and ran back to the tower.

"Oh, yeah, Kamek, I almost forgot," he said. Without another word, Mario punched Kamek in the face as hard as he could, which not only left the Magikoopa seeing stars, but it also broke his glasses.

"That was for Luigi!" Mario shouted, and he ran off to catch up with Peach and Toad.

"I should've seen that one coming," Kamek said, dazedly, and he fell over backwards onto the floor.


	13. Just in Time

Mario, Peach, and Toad returned to the hospital immediately. They figured they'd start their search for Gruber there, considering Toad had found his footprints in the dirt. They followed the tracks to the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom. The tracks disappeared at the edge of a huge lake. It was so big, they couldn't see the other side of it.

"Oh great," Toad groaned. "A dead end. What do we do now?"

"According to the map, we have to cross the lake," Peach said.

"How?" Toad asked. "We don't have a boat, and it's too big for us to swim!"

"We'll just have to make ourselves a boat," Mario said. He ran over to a field of fire flowers, and picked a bunch of them. Once he gained fire power, he used it to knock down a couple of trees, and then used his fire power again to splice those trees half.

"Go look for some vines, Toad," he said, as he worked on building a makeshift raft. "Peach, you go look for something we can paddle with."

"Right away, Mario!" Peach shouted, and she and Toad ran off to gather parts for the raft.

Meanwhile, Gruber had returned to the cave, bearing several gifts for Toadette. He brought her a bouquet of piranha plant buds, a box of gourmet chocolates, a bottle of expensive perfume, a gold necklace, a gold bracelet, and gold earrings. Toadette wanted none of it. Every time Gruber presented her with a gift, she would just push it away. All she could do was cry.

"Oh, come now, my darling dumpling!" Gruber shouted. "There _must_ be _something_ I could give you that would make you happy!"

"You could give me my freedom and leave me alone forever," Toadette said, sniffling. "That would make me happy."

"Ha, ha, ha!" Gruber laughed. "You have such a delightful sense of humor, my little turtle dove!"

"I'm serious! I want to go home!"

"But you _are_ home, my dearest little daffodil. This will be our home, forever! Where you will be mine, always!"

"But I don't _want_ to be yours! I don't want anything to do with you!"

Toadette burst into tears once more, pushing away all of Gruber's gifts. Gruber just stood there, staring at her. He didn't know what to say at this point. He just heaved a sigh, and sat down on the ground.

"Don't worry, my pet," he said. "You'll learn to love me. We'll live happily ever after, you'll see. Just you and me, forever, and ever, and ever!"

This just seemed to make Toadette cry harder. Gruber merely ignored her. He figured she would come around in time.

Meanwhile, Mario, Peach, and Toad had finally made it across the lake. At the other side was Greenwood Forest, the biggest overgrown forest in the entire Mushroom Kingdom. It was a pretty creepy place. Several trees were gnarled, and the branches looked like they were ready to reach out and grab you. Not even the birds dared to build nests here. There had been rumors about people who have gone into Greenwood Forest, but they never came out. Mario's fire power had worn off while the group was crossing the lake, so he couldn't light the forest path.

"This place gives me the creeps," Toad said.

"Me too," Peach admitted. "It's going to be tough to find Toadette in this."

"But we will," Mario said. "I'm sure of it!"

"If we don't get lost first," Toad said. "It's going to be hard to stick together in this mess!"

"We will if we stay close," Mario said.

"How that Goomba got all the way here is beyond me," Peach said. "How does he even think he can keep Toadette here? There's no food and no water, and nothing can possibly grow here, except weeds. How in the world does he expect to survive?"

"I don't know," Mario said. "I don't even _want_ to know!"

"Me neither," Toad said. "Let's just find him and Toadette, and get outta here, okay?"

Mario and Peach agreed, and began trekking through the forest, pushing foliage out of the way, and taking great care not to trip over any above-ground tree roots. They had no intention on stopping. They weren't going to give up until they found Toadette.

Meanwhile, Gruber was getting pretty impatient for Toadette to come around to his way of thinking. It was beginning to make him edgy.

"Look," he said, sighing. "How long do you expect this courtship thing to go on?"

"As long as it takes for you to realize I'm _not_ in love with you!" Toadette shouted. "I never _was_ in love with you, and I never _will_ be in love with you! Why don't you understand that?!"

"Because I know better, my cute little coconut. You love me all right. You just don't realize it yet. You and I are a perfect match! Now stop playing hard to get and give me a little kiss, hmmm?"

"No! And I'm not playing! Let me go!"

"You're not going anywhere until you learn to love me, the way I love you! I'm tired of waiting!"

"And I'm tired of you! Why can't you get it through your head that I don't even like you?! As a matter of fact, I _hate_ you!"

Toadette picked up the bouquet of piranha plant buds, and hurled it at Gruber as hard as she could. It hit him directly in the face. Toadette decided to take this chance, and try to escape while he was dazed. Unfortunately, Gruber wasn't dazed long enough, and he jumped on her veil, which caused her to screech to an abrupt halt, and fall to the ground.

"Ow!" she shouted.

Gruber then grabbed the veil in his teeth, and dragged Toadette to the back of the cave. He was furious. Toadette saw the look on his face, and began trembling.

"I tried to be patient with you," Gruber said, trying to remain calm. "I've offered you all my love and affection, and what do I get in return? Bupkis! I am sick and tired of your constant rejections! I want you to be mine, and I want you to love me! Is that so much to ask?! I don't think so!"

"Is . . . . is this the part where you say if I can't have you then nobody can?" Toadette asked, nervously.

"Oh no," Gruber said. "No, that's not it at all. I don't want to kill you, my precious pear. I _am_ going to have you! You _are_ going to be mine! As a matter of fact, I'm going to make you mine _right now_!"

With that, the love-crazed Goomba jumped on Toadette, and managed to pin her to the ground. Toadette screamed, and tried to push Gruber off her, but he would not budge. He was too heavy for her. Gruber then smiled sinisterly, and began kissing Toadette's face, aggressively.

"Ew! Yuck!" Toadette shouted, trying with all her might to push him away. "Get off of me! Stop! Stop it, please!"

"Not a chance, baby!" Gruber shouted. "I'm gonna make you mine, and you _are_ going to love me! I will _not_ take no for an answer!"

"No!" Toadette yelled, trying to push the Goomba off her. "Please, no! Stop it! Stop it!"

Gruber wouldn't listen to Toadette's pleas, not even when she started crying. Nothing she could do would get this creep off of her. She had to do something fast.

"Somebody help me!" she yelled. "Please help! HEEEELLLLLP!"

"Scream all you want, toots!" Gruber shouted. "Nobody's gonna hear you! Mwah-ha-ha-hah!"

Toadette moaned, and let out the loudest, shrillest, most blood curdling shriek she could muster, even though she knew it wouldn't do her any good. Nobody would have been able to hear it.

However, she was wrong. Mario, Peach, and Toad were close by the cave, and they heard the echoing shriek, and nearly jumped out of their skins.

"What was that?" Peach asked.

"It sounded like Toadette!" Toad shouted.

"It came from this way!" Mario shouted, and he started running toward the cave. "Let's go!"

Mario, Peach, and Toad reached the cave, and ran into it, following the sounds of Toadette's screams. Suddenly, the screams stopped, but Mario kept right on going, followed by Peach and Toad, who were growing more and more nervous by the second. Finally, they reached the back of the cave. They found Gruber on top of Toadette, kissing her on the mouth. As a matter of fact, it looked like he was French kissing her. Toadette was trying to scream, but her screams were muffled. She was still trying to push Gruber off.

"Oh my!" Peach gasped.

"Whoa!" Toad shouted.

"Mama mia!" Mario shouted.

The shouting got Gruber's attention. He immediately stopped kissing Toadette, and looked over. He saw Mario and his friends, and glared fiercely at them.

"Do you mind?!" he shouted. "We would _like_ to be alone! Sheesh, can't a guy get any privacy around here?!"

"Mario!" Toadette wailed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mario, please! Help me!"

"Oh shut up, already!" Gruber shouted, and he began to lick Toadette's tear tracks. "You're gonna _really_ like this."

Gruber snickered, grabbed Toadette's sleeve in his teeth, and began pulling it downwards. This was the final straw for Mario. He immediately ran over, grabbed Gruber by the top of his head, and flung him into the wall as hard as he could.

"You leave her alone, you sick, depraved scum bucket!" he yelled.

"Ack!" Gruber shouted, once he hit the wall. He sat there for a few minutes, and watched the stars circle his head.

Toadette immediately got to her feet, and ran to Peach as fast as she could, sobbing her little heart out. She wrapped her arms around the princess's waist, and wouldn't let go. Peach managed to loosen Toadette's grip for a moment, kneeled down, and hugged her, trying to comfort her.

"Oh you poor thing!" she shouted. "There, there. Everything's going to be all right now."

"Oh no you don't!" Gruber shouted, coming to his senses (or whatever senses he had left, anyway). "Nobody's taking her from me! No_body_! She's _mine!_ I'm not gonna give her up without a fight!"

"Okie-dokie," Mario said, cracking his knuckles. "You want a fight, you're gonna get one! You think throwing you into the wall was bad? Hah! You haven't seen anything yet, buster!"

Mario jumped into the air, and began to ground-pound Gruber, multiple times. Gruber couldn't even fight back. He had no idea what was going on! Toad then stomped up to the two of them after Mario ground-pounded the Goomba for a twelfth time.

"Mario!" he shouted.

"What?" Mario asked.

Toad didn't say anything. He just glared sharply at Mario, and pouted at him. Mario immediately nodded, got off Gruber, and stepped to the side.

"Oh, right," he said. "Sorry."

"That's better," Toad said. Then he looked at Gruber, jumped on top of him, and began stomping the living daylights out of the Goomba as hard as he could, screaming incoherently.

"Ow! Ooh! Eee! Aaah! Oh! Ow! Yow! Yah! Ack!" Gruber shouted. "I give up! I give up! Uncle! Uncle! Mercy, I say, mercy!"

"_Mercy_?!" Mario, Peach, and Toad shouted in unison.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Mario shouted. "You expect us to show _you_ mercy, after you continuously stalked Toadette, harassed her, kidnapped her, and were about to have your way with her?!"

"Well . . . ." Gruber said, meekly.

"Not a chance, buster!" Toad shouted. "Wait'll I get my hands on you!"

"Peach, Toadette," Mario said, calmly. "Would you two mind leaving us alone? What is about to happen should not be seen by ladies."

"Of course, Mario," Peach said. Toadette merely sniffled, and nodded her head.

Peach carried Toadette out of the cave and into the forest, because Toadette was too shaken up to walk. Once they were outside, Toadette began crying again. Peach took out her handkerchief, and handed it to her.

"It's okay, Toadette," she said. "Mario will take care of that awful Goomba. Did he hurt you?"

"N-no," Toadette said, shakily. "But . . . . but I was so scared!"

Peach nodded, hugged Toadette, and began rubbing her back, letting her cry into her shoulder. She didn't know what else she could do. Not even Bowser had tried what Gruber had attempted! Suddenly, the girls began to hear loud pounding, smashing, crashing, and breaking noises, as well as Gruber screaming and yelling. They both cringed at each noise. They could only assume Mario was giving Gruber's clock a thorough cleaning. Finally, Mario emerged from the cave, carrying an extremely pulverized Gruber by the top of his head. He had been beaten to a pulp, and then some!

"Oh my!" Peach shouted, upon seeing the state the Goomba was in. "You _really_ gave it to him, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Mario said. "I didn't know Toad had it in him!"

Toad came out of the cave next, brushing the dust off his hands, and looking very triumphant.

"I didn't even have to lay a finger on him," Mario said. "Toad did all the fighting. I've never seen anything like it in my life!"

"He won't be bothering you again, Toadette," Toad said. "Not unless he wants another beat down!"

"Th-thanks, Toad," Toadette said, sniffling.

"We'd better get back to the Mushroom Kingdom," Peach said. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Toadette, but I strongly suggest you let Dr. Toadley look at you, just in case."

"O-okay," Toadette said, a little nervously. "I-I'll go see Dr. Toadley."

"Atta girl," Mario said, and then he turned to Gruber. "Tell us how to get out of here! It's obvious you know where you're going!"

"Okay, okay," Gruber growled. "There's a warp pipe about a mile from here. I found it when you and your stupid brother chased me away from the palace. The warp pipe I hid in lead directly to this place."

"All right," Mario said. "You tell us where to go, and you better lead us to that pipe, or else you're gonna be mushroom mush!"

Gruber growled, but he led our heroes in the correct direction, anyway. It was about all he could do. He definitely didn't want Toad to clobber him again, and he certainly didn't want Mario to clean his clock, either! Once the group found the pipe (which was covered in moss and weeds), they went through it, and wound up back in the Mushroom Kingdom.

"What are we going to do with me now?" Gruber asked. "Toss me in jail and throw away the key?"

"No, I think that would be too good for you," Mario said. "I think you deserve something a bit more severe, like . . . . . the Forbidden Pipe!"

A crash of thunder was heard, and a flash of lightning appeared from out nowhere. Toad, Toadette, Peach, and Gruber gasped at the mere mention of the Forbidden Pipe.

"No!" Gruber shouted. "Not the Forbidden Pipe! _Any_thing but that! I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve _that_!"

"Are you kidding?!" Toad shouted. "Princess, read off the charges!"

"Stalking, harassment, trespassing, theft, kidnapping, assault, possession of an illegal substance, and attempted murder," Peach said. "Yes, I think the Forbidden Pipe is a very appropriate punishment for you."

"Attempted murder?" Gruber asked. "I wasn't trying to kill her!"

"No, but you tried to kill my brother!" Mario shouted. "You're going down that pipe!"

Mario popped down another warp pipe, leading directly to a place known as the Wastelands. The only thing in this area was a large, glowing warp pipe. There were several flies circling it, attracted to the horrible stench that came from it. It also made strange gurgling noises, and glowing green slime dripped down the sides. This was the Forbidden Pipe. The top of the pipe was sealed with a lid that could only be opened with a wrench (though the slime sometimes oozed out from it, anyway). No one knew where it lead to. No one was brave (or stupid) enough to find out! Mario plopped Gruber down on the ground, took out one of his wrenches, and unscrewed the lid. Then he picked up Gruber, and held him at the opening of the pipe.

"Can't we talk this over?" he asked.

"No," Mario said, simply.

"Look, man! It wasn't my fault! She wanted me to do it! She _asked_ me to do it! She . . . . she _seduced_ me! I'm just an innocent little Goomba! She's the one who did it! She _made_ me do it!"

"Uh huh. _Sure_ she did. That's why she was screaming in utter terror while you were kissing her and trying to take off her dress."

"Wait! Wait, I'm too young to go into the Forbidden Pipe!"

"You should have thought of that _before_ you decided to become a perverted stalker! Bye-bye!"

"Nooooooooooooo!"

Mario dropped Gruber down the pipe, put the lid back on, and sealed it shut. He was certain this was the last the Mushroom Kingdom would ever see of Gruber.


	14. Safe and Sound

Before Mario headed for the Mushroom Kingdom Hospital, he went back to his house to take a shower and change his clothes. He wanted to get the Forbidden Pipe smell off of him before he went to check on Toadette.

Once he arrived at the hospital, he found out Toadette was still in an examining room with Dr. Toadley. He figured, while he was waiting for that, he'd go and check on Luigi. When he got into his brother's hospital room, he found Daisy pressing a cold compress against Luigi's forehead, but Luigi was awake, and actually looked alert, though still a little pale.

"Hi, bro," Mario said. "You feeling any better?"

"A little bit," Luigi said. "At least a little more alert than I was before."

"And you're more coherent," Daisy said. Then she turned to Mario. "After you guys left to look for Toadette, he had a couple more fits, but Dr. Toadley gave him a sedative in his IV drip which knocked him out for awhile. Luckily, his temperature went down about an hour after that. It's at a hundred and one now, so he still has a slight fever."

"I just woke up about a half hour ago," Luigi said. "Is Toadette okay?"

"Well, I don't know for sure," Mario said. "She seemed fine to me, physically, just really shaken up."

"Poor baby," Daisy said, sympathetically. "What did you do with that Goomba, anyway?"

"I threw him into the Forbidden Pipe," Mario said. "Normally, I wouldn't have done that, but after everything he pulled . . . . you know, he was about this close to having his way with Toadette."

Mario held his thumb and forefinger so close together, there was barely any space in between them.

"Mama mia!" Luigi shouted. "Not even _Bowser_ had ever gone _that_ far!"

"Yeah," Mario said. "I'm still a bit sore at that Goomba for giving you those two Black Widow mushrooms, bro. Bowser wouldn't do that, either. He may be evil, but I know he's not _that_ evil!"

Luigi and Daisy had to agree on that one. Before they could respond, the door opened, and Peach walked in, followed by Toad, Dr. Toadley, and an orderly pushing a hospital bed into the room. Toadette was in the bed, sniffling and whimpering a little.

"Well, doc?" Mario asked. "How's Toadette?"

"Well, she threw up a couple of times during the examination," Dr. Toadley said. "Mostly from nerves. And after what she went through, I certainly don't blame her! The good news is there's no sign of injuries in the, errr, nether regions, shall we say?"

"That's a relief!" Luigi shouted.

"Unfortunately, there's some bad news, too," Dr. Toadley said. "It's going to take awhile before she's fully recovered. This sort of incident can be very traumatizing, you know. I'm going to keep her here overnight for observation."

"Thank you, doctor," Peach said. Dr. Toadley nodded, and he and his orderly left the room.

Mario walked over to Toadette, pulled up a chair, and sat down.

"Hi, Toadette," he said. "I want you to know that I took care of the Goomba. I sent him down into the Forbidden Pipe, and I sealed it, so he won't come back."

"What if he comes out the other end of it?" Toadette asked, nervously.

"I don't think he will," Peach said. "That pipe might not have an exit route."

"Though I heard a rumor it ends up somewhere in the real world," Mario said. "Somewhere in Bayonne, New Jersey, I think."

Toadette nodded. Then she looked down at her hands, and sniffled. A huge tear rolled down her cheek. Daisy saw it, and walked over to her.

"Hey, now," she said. "What's this for? He's gone, and he can't try to hurt you again!"

"What's the matter, Toadette?" Peach asked.

"What if . . . . ." Toadette said, nervously. Then she burst into tears. "What if it was my fault? Why did he stalk me? What did I do to make him fall in love with me? What did I do wrong? I never should have asked you to hold my hand on the way to the party board, Luigi. If I hadn't, that Goomba wouldn't have even given you those mushrooms."

"That's not your fault, Toadette," Luigi said. "He got the wrong idea. If anything, part of it was _my_ fault."

"_Your_ fault, Luigi?" Daisy asked, incredulously. "Why would any of this be your fault?!"

"I should have tried to warn you about that Goomba sooner," Luigi sighed. "If I had only tried harder . . . ."

"Luigi, there's no way it was your fault!" Mario shouted.

"Yeah, it's my fault," Toad said. "I should have done more to try to protect you. Or at least did something about it sooner."

"Oh, Toad, that's ridiculous!" Peach shouted.

"Maybe it would have been better if I'd never been born," Toadette said. "Then maybe none of this would have happened."

Toadette burst into hysterical sobs. Mario was about ready to explode. Thanks to that Goomba, this once happy, energetic girl, who was almost always smiling, was reduced to a nervous wreck, just a shell of her former self. Mario knew losing his temper would not help Toadette's well being at the moment. As a matter of fact, he thought it would make it worse. Instead, he took a deep breath, mentally counted to ten, and pulled up a chair beside Toadette's bed.

"Toadette, I want you to look me in the eye, and listen to me carefully," he said. Toadette sniffled, and looked up at Mario.

"Everything that happened was _not_ your fault," the plumber said, gently, but firmly. "Do you understand me? It wasn't your fault, it wasn't Luigi's fault, and it wasn't Toad's fault. It was the Goomba's fault. _He's_ the one who decided to stalk you. You didn't do anything to make him do it. You didn't _ask_ him to follow you around and scare the living daylights out of you. He was the one who made the decision to do so. You told him to stop, he didn't listen. You said no, he didn't listen. You did not give your consent, he didn't listen. You were not responsible for the Goomba's actions. I know I may sound a bit like a broken record, and maybe a little unsympathetic right now, but I want you to understand that none of this, absolutely _none_ of this, is your fault, okay?"

"Okay," Toadette said, nodding.

"Just remember, Toadette," Peach said, "we're all here for you if you need anything. If you want to talk about it, that's fine. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, too. But you know one of us is always here to listen if you need someone to talk to."

Luigi, Toad, and Daisy nodded in agreement. Toadette wiped one of her eyes, and smiled a little.

"Thanks, you guys," she said.

"You're welcome," Daisy said. Then she checked her watch. "Well, visiting hours are just about over. Time for me to head out."

"Yeah, us too," Toad said. "Toadsworth might have a heart attack if we don't check in soon, Princess!"

"I don't really see a reason for me to stay here anymore," Mario said, turning to Luigi. "You're obviously on the road to recovery, bro, so I'm just gonna head home, okay?"

"Sure, bro," Luigi said.

"Ummm . . . ." Toadette said. "Can I ask you guys something before you go?"

"Of course, Toadette," Peach said.

"Do you think maybe . . . ." Toadette said, a little nervously. "Maybe you all could stay here for the night? I . . . . I kind of don't want to be alone. I mean, I know Luigi's going to be in here with me, but . . . . well, I'd feel better if you all were here, too."

"Sure, Toadette," Mario said, smiling. "Anything you want."

"I'll go make sure it's okay with Dr. Toadley and the rest of the staff," Peach said.

"I'll go call Toadsworth and make sure he doesn't keel over when he realizes the Princess isn't back yet," Toad said.

"I'll go see if I can dig up some more chairs or something," Daisy said.

Toadette heaved a sigh of relief. She felt so much better just knowing her friends would be there for her, and she felt safer with all of them around her.

The End


End file.
